tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47665911143407732772024-02-18T18:11:08.783-08:00Chronicles of Dustin Ashley BeamDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.comBlogger332125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-35999703313963563992011-06-29T13:31:00.000-07:002011-06-29T13:35:54.924-07:00Loving the Squiggly<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjodwEbHpZZBweqXj4BWcUoAt7CF7R5r99BShdg0_A-kwqP4ycNcgsM4ml9zfWhS7Hv3EFv-WxMCbHtSPg_wu2btvDM7Bi-Eq8iZUdK7u0LIveVVG93TbGGJWBq9G8qdfcVMGtLSikJ1W4/s1600/squiggly+key.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjodwEbHpZZBweqXj4BWcUoAt7CF7R5r99BShdg0_A-kwqP4ycNcgsM4ml9zfWhS7Hv3EFv-WxMCbHtSPg_wu2btvDM7Bi-Eq8iZUdK7u0LIveVVG93TbGGJWBq9G8qdfcVMGtLSikJ1W4/s400/squiggly+key.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623743207583257010" /></a><br />I was typing the other day and instead of hitting the ! key I hit the ~ key.<br /><br />Two odd altercations happened between two friends and me via facebook so I have deactivated my account for a bit. It was hurtful and unexpected. <br /><br />So when I hit the ~ key it made me smile and forget all that nonsense.<br />~<br />~~~~~~~~<br />~~~~<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />~~<br />~~~~<br />~~~~~~~~<br />~~~~<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-18453931238997951632011-06-21T00:54:00.000-07:002011-06-21T01:02:12.145-07:00Much Needed Silence<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAOvYA5Vl5e_hl4eO4f07RbcqVmioKnajr-NOKDNReiXCIihOq-b7QjGh-c-70EJyJ4y8BSkfNw_36NEcScBeQYtA5CmwmYPrH1c2rLJaqO_Voow-DlbhxrXEbo7NNiyX2u1-7yxyU3VE/s1600/Sleepless-in-Seattle-movie-DVD.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 277px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAOvYA5Vl5e_hl4eO4f07RbcqVmioKnajr-NOKDNReiXCIihOq-b7QjGh-c-70EJyJ4y8BSkfNw_36NEcScBeQYtA5CmwmYPrH1c2rLJaqO_Voow-DlbhxrXEbo7NNiyX2u1-7yxyU3VE/s400/Sleepless-in-Seattle-movie-DVD.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620580285104680770" /></a><br />The past few days I have liked the darkness, the silence of my room. I have not come out much and have watched "Sleepless in Seattle" over and over and over and over.<br /><br />I started wondering why I want to be alone (I am not depressed at all) and started doing the roommate math.<br /><br />I have lived with 41 different people in my life. <br />I have lived in 21 different living environments not including all the different times I moved around with my family as a kid.<br /><br />I have hit a wall where I just want ME time and a lot of it, no talking, no sharing, just alone time.<br /><br />In this much needed silence I find that I am a much simpler person than I once was, that I really love the quiet, and that it is time to live alone soon.<br /><br />I have done the roomie thing more than anyone I know and met some wonderful people, but I am overloaded with that experience. <br /><br />So, back to "Sleepless in Seattle" and my much needed silence.<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-42019655460121378882011-06-09T23:31:00.000-07:002011-06-09T23:35:54.345-07:00My Soul Well<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGw4mxecXovtEuI88uzlJBo28m6LIBtvrsFMpxo8sVWuacHBjFEVaizRLsQcnKur2PWBbYP9OiVUaVQZTGdfKvkKEw9DsC5p0uAzBkmvjlsNzE3_38X6IxzkA0fEWXLlC2T7FElrZNFT8/s1600/gift+of+the+old+well.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 319px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGw4mxecXovtEuI88uzlJBo28m6LIBtvrsFMpxo8sVWuacHBjFEVaizRLsQcnKur2PWBbYP9OiVUaVQZTGdfKvkKEw9DsC5p0uAzBkmvjlsNzE3_38X6IxzkA0fEWXLlC2T7FElrZNFT8/s400/gift+of+the+old+well.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616476111695800002" /></a><br />Today I taught my first voice/musical theatre lesson in the studio where I now work. I love teaching my kiddos but it was glorious to teach one on one with a young lady who is so talented, so open, and so fun.<br /><br />I lived YEARS away from purpose just hoping that I would find something - anything - that would fill my soul well.<br /><br />It is full, it is wonderful, and I am just soaking that up in my very skin.<br /><br />Soul smiles to you,<br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-55345925789151733192011-06-09T03:47:00.000-07:002011-06-09T04:03:11.587-07:00Holding the Key<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjYmSK0YROU0FKx9-zKk5KN2eu6_VkYIuyB72lv4N0RpQV2Kx8vLd7Dh3Ak4hRsdgTpYmNN8JKpIjljo_gvJqjI9SD3vTlofXFiLRwtHxJtKu3Qlr_6egYkf8xwSuf3E7q2wCSkfGt_dI/s1600/vintage+key+pic.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 290px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjYmSK0YROU0FKx9-zKk5KN2eu6_VkYIuyB72lv4N0RpQV2Kx8vLd7Dh3Ak4hRsdgTpYmNN8JKpIjljo_gvJqjI9SD3vTlofXFiLRwtHxJtKu3Qlr_6egYkf8xwSuf3E7q2wCSkfGt_dI/s400/vintage+key+pic.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616170651177940274" /></a><br />Only I am solid ground.<br />Those whom I love - the new, the familiar - can be my circle, my connections...<br />but the connection to self is the key I have been missing.<br />Peace fills me as I hold the key and begin to unlock the doors of my life. Only I am solid ground and I embrace the beauty of me.<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-23842505108033092952011-05-25T10:59:00.000-07:002011-05-25T11:02:48.251-07:00I Am Back<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXVWJ5ln91MeSqcqDisCkDm8o8xXj5ZqIueLtJX6_neYMlwZxA3bIBbZLp2OYzq4sTswuFhldnuU5R6lIM7K5zZ59nCZJxrxiZn1mCVmwHiS9JyYDv6f1H1siukIJmXJnE_btpCsuPqyY/s1600/i+am+back+from+kuching+19+dec+2008.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 390px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXVWJ5ln91MeSqcqDisCkDm8o8xXj5ZqIueLtJX6_neYMlwZxA3bIBbZLp2OYzq4sTswuFhldnuU5R6lIM7K5zZ59nCZJxrxiZn1mCVmwHiS9JyYDv6f1H1siukIJmXJnE_btpCsuPqyY/s400/i+am+back+from+kuching+19+dec+2008.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5610715766814095618" /></a><br />I missed this blog so I am coming back.<br />I now have two blogs.<br />I am too cool for school.<br /><br />Dustin Ashley Beam BaylanDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-88685053626756392302010-10-29T23:41:00.000-07:002010-10-29T23:46:08.494-07:00And With This, FarewellThis blog has been a dear friend to me.<br />I am not good at farewells, but truly this is anything but.<br />I look at it like this - I love the phoenix, the symbolism of it all, the power of rebirth.<br /><br />Hence why I named my blog/musing screen after one. :-)<br /><br />So, I am leaving this particular blog to start another one, one that fits me NOW, the one that I can share in a new way.<br /><br />So this feels right.<br /><br />Thanks to those who have read my musings throughout the years. I hope you follow me to my new musing home entitled<br /><br />THE TWELVE THAT IS DUSTIN BAYLAN.<br /><br />Yes, I am changing the name, the story of that is on the new blog for you to read.<br /><br />Here is the link:<br /><br />http://dustinbaylan.wordpress.com/<br /><br />Much love, much hope and joy again, much potential...<br /><br />Winks and smiles of the Cat that is Cheshire,<br />Dustin BaylanDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-64859222341721865702010-09-25T15:16:00.000-07:002010-09-25T15:18:43.199-07:00I Miss Thee<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTS8kotRH2wxn2WeBu9EC47UQtJcEAgHkG0etLE3OSCRWyvfCSrck-iuyRVJsPPYUorcYvHdNv2xOnZthV0rY1hLnfhFS36QiaX7aHiG5qecIKwZNHcK-G8Gc58d5hbbiYjfSRMpYNQvc/s1600/cheshire-cat-4.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTS8kotRH2wxn2WeBu9EC47UQtJcEAgHkG0etLE3OSCRWyvfCSrck-iuyRVJsPPYUorcYvHdNv2xOnZthV0rY1hLnfhFS36QiaX7aHiG5qecIKwZNHcK-G8Gc58d5hbbiYjfSRMpYNQvc/s400/cheshire-cat-4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520979093224043538" /></a><br />I miss thee, my blog, my tapestry of musings...<br />I shall return soon to thee, with a richer smile.<br />Until then, you are not forgotten.<br /><br />Winks and smiles of the cat that is Cheshire,<br />DashDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-48099208208299732142010-09-02T19:20:00.000-07:002010-09-02T20:03:42.002-07:00I Will Still Sing for You (Farewell... For Now)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9daVjWvJTM1CQjWEGzaiQw8r1iUdaS-7eB0NJrVhlPG3jKMKAUH71fwJhvwlCpyW7b-pdjarLwREQS2FwmM07M6ZrjoTBFCGvgN0M6EUBLcvSGMyQi-ZC9dGCSP80wiVU9nXhT2Tq-LQ/s1600/dustin+duvall+pinnacle.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9daVjWvJTM1CQjWEGzaiQw8r1iUdaS-7eB0NJrVhlPG3jKMKAUH71fwJhvwlCpyW7b-pdjarLwREQS2FwmM07M6ZrjoTBFCGvgN0M6EUBLcvSGMyQi-ZC9dGCSP80wiVU9nXhT2Tq-LQ/s400/dustin+duvall+pinnacle.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512515498311616690" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbCVuh19gXhZ6Cq-uCu84vWFNINRZEcHxFkJ7UDlk4GyEvPViV0qzC5JNT3QuMaTGGL4n-bjv3vs7bW-8D20zbFteRsXD8hqUPFB4HO8MRCP6jgCPFpjwV1AXLq4w9nnhYfrZJVd_SP50/s1600/always+sing+drawing.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 293px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbCVuh19gXhZ6Cq-uCu84vWFNINRZEcHxFkJ7UDlk4GyEvPViV0qzC5JNT3QuMaTGGL4n-bjv3vs7bW-8D20zbFteRsXD8hqUPFB4HO8MRCP6jgCPFpjwV1AXLq4w9nnhYfrZJVd_SP50/s400/always+sing+drawing.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512515490357884210" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgZwqvrrShScutaMGUQIgeWS0GPI4kZS_sw54nvJUZVIziJBkJdQaMwHoNViryYZ_WUGFlXlkbgao_HoxcP2rZIHMk4gj397LjGHh9lgqcdV8nEjoaX8o7VssRq6TwHSZzRT8KwrQ8TBU/s1600/Farewell_by_dilekt.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgZwqvrrShScutaMGUQIgeWS0GPI4kZS_sw54nvJUZVIziJBkJdQaMwHoNViryYZ_WUGFlXlkbgao_HoxcP2rZIHMk4gj397LjGHh9lgqcdV8nEjoaX8o7VssRq6TwHSZzRT8KwrQ8TBU/s400/Farewell_by_dilekt.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512515488085335906" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXQ-lrHyXxGbAOcwHK5goPdaIZaYL1iTPcRfW67rny2sWufSfFEVEc6kc4pDYktRRocxIyzjJYYm3oETrbk61_r6XK1-v7qdLG0rF14Uyfan2n5HHqoEp318nDj8dwPjGLS9PO4Jnjur0/s1600/farewell+explosive+pic.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 307px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXQ-lrHyXxGbAOcwHK5goPdaIZaYL1iTPcRfW67rny2sWufSfFEVEc6kc4pDYktRRocxIyzjJYYm3oETrbk61_r6XK1-v7qdLG0rF14Uyfan2n5HHqoEp318nDj8dwPjGLS9PO4Jnjur0/s400/farewell+explosive+pic.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512515482296857954" /></a><br />I stumbled into blog writing.<br />It was fun and made me feel special - sharing my thoughts and dreams and hardships was cathartic.<br /><br />I feel like I have learned much in the past years and have written as honestly as I knew how to articulate.<br /><br />The past few months have been the hardest of my life and I have shared a bit of that with you, I have spoken with a counselor, I have started taking medication, I have made some progress.<br /><br />But, still there are times getting out of bed seems literally impossible. <br />Times when the panic drowns me.<br /><br />So, I am simplifying my life and withdrawing from school, focusing on work and paying bills (something that I have not done in some time), and looking at my physical and mental health.<br /><br />It is time to discover why I am preventing myself from greatness and what factors are in me that I can change.<br /><br />I have no idea how to do this.<br /><br />But admitting that I am lost, feeling broken no matter what I do, that when I am happy I am merely waiting for the time that the happiness fades, and saying, "There has to be another way."<br /><br />So I am doing things that I can do well and say, "Job well done".<br /><br />And I am a seeker of my truth, something I thought I knew, but has escaped my sight.<br /><br />And my belief has atrophied.<br /><br />Rest assured I am better than I was a couple months ago.<br /><br />But I know I can do a lot and can be someone I respect.<br /><br />So, I am leaving the blog until I can return to write musings that are not the same patterns, the same note.<br /><br />I need to journal for myself and cuddle with the words alone, I need to learn me all over again, I need to let go of the pain of a relationship that I so wanted to work and ended with being spit upon, I just need to...<br /><br />I will end with two song quotes, one that I heard today for the first time (from Sandi) and one I have loved for years. I find both are applicable and the lyrics are my heart, and what I have to do and believe. I miss talking to God, I miss a lot of things.<br /><br />Where Do I Go From Here<br />(From "Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World)<br /><br />The Earth is cold, the fields are bare,<br />The branches fold against the wind that's everywhere.<br />The birds move on so they survive,<br />When snow's so deep the bears all sleep to keep themselves alive.<br />They do what they must for now, and trust in their plan.<br />If I trust in mine somehow I might find who I am.<br /><br />But where do I go from here?<br />So many voices ringing in my ear,<br />Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?<br />How will I know where do I go from here?<br /><br />My world has changed, and so have I.<br />I've learned to choose and even learned to say goodbye,<br />The path ahead's so hard to see.<br />It winds and bends, but where it ends depends on only me.<br />In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known.<br />Now it seems it's time to start a new life on my own,<br /><br />But where do I go from here?<br />So many voices ringing in my ear.<br />Which is the voice I was meant to hear?<br />How will I know, where do I go<br />From here?<br /><br />The Edge of the Divine (Sandi Patty)<br />I'm looking over the edge<br />I see you waiting for me<br />Eyes open, face to the wind<br />Your arms are reaching for me<br />These chains have held me here<br />Bound up in lies<br />But you say it's time I should fly<br /><br />From the edge of the divine<br />I can leap into your arms<br />And your love will catch me<br />Unafraid to fall into everything you are<br />Leave the past behind me<br />I am flying <br />From the edge of the divine<br /><br />I've spent too much precious time<br />Rehearsing memories and loss<br />That your blood has covered but I,<br />I must leave it at the cross<br />Doubt whispers in my ear<br />Is it safe beyond these tears?<br />If I should fly into the wonder of Your mercy<br />Into the fullness of Your Love<br />I am a child who's been forgiven<br />And You are enough<br />Unafraid to fall into everything you are<br />Leave the past behind me<br />I am flying<br />From the edge of the divine<br /><br />I thank you for reading and caring.<br />I give you my love and through the wordless times ahead, I will still sing for you.<br /><br />Farewell... for now,<br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-58704972835743972762010-08-31T22:39:00.001-07:002010-08-31T22:40:55.755-07:00These NightsTurning a negative to a positive...<br />Tonight is one of those nights I had a couple of months ago.<br />Panic, hopelessness, dread.<br /><br />But, thank God it is not something that is the norm now, something that is in my design.<br /><br />But oh how I loathe these nights, they seem to taunt me so.Dustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-65776776115177789302010-08-29T02:42:00.000-07:002010-08-29T02:48:50.944-07:00Love to (And Leaving) Leaf<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIC_YqL-OOorS5HgZ0z9cOss8sVA9OXEnus5jK3bmO1aMkNoLOQCiGZrqJBBit3WXvkXcMkSWlprjfyYv8jdgcSSfTsSjNjfZb3fu7GZndLfL1yqlzpaaH6KSeuWqSoqQpoaXGnJGnOGc/s1600/putnam+cast+shot.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 313px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIC_YqL-OOorS5HgZ0z9cOss8sVA9OXEnus5jK3bmO1aMkNoLOQCiGZrqJBBit3WXvkXcMkSWlprjfyYv8jdgcSSfTsSjNjfZb3fu7GZndLfL1yqlzpaaH6KSeuWqSoqQpoaXGnJGnOGc/s400/putnam+cast+shot.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5510766565848538914" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijiC4QBk7pdwex_bM4f9Z54Ll25uidNsvGWbtKLngyYc3mMUkEtofBTiUo7EoNWwvhDiHuhgG7sOZVeOwa1vYtbJ4fRO7zIJNzKZSNk-gJRidprRXva7dLTN3yQci3-sH-PN0aXeIZvnM/s1600/leaf+coneybear+cute+shot.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 294px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijiC4QBk7pdwex_bM4f9Z54Ll25uidNsvGWbtKLngyYc3mMUkEtofBTiUo7EoNWwvhDiHuhgG7sOZVeOwa1vYtbJ4fRO7zIJNzKZSNk-gJRidprRXva7dLTN3yQci3-sH-PN0aXeIZvnM/s400/leaf+coneybear+cute+shot.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5510766132423140866" /></a><br />Every once in a while a role picks you.<br />In all of my time in theatre, portraying Leaf Coneybear has been one of the highlights.<br />I miss him already and have ONE more show left.<br />He has been therapy and the show has been a charming playground for me.<br />I will now coin the term "What Would Leaf Do?" and honestly think the world would be a better place if we all had that same motto.<br /><br />So here is to you Leaf Coneybear, my favorite role to play, my dear friend, who brought back the laughter in my life, whose originality speaks to my own and who makes me feel like William Finn just gets it.<br /><br />I love you Leaf!Dustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-28154195728164727432010-08-28T03:33:00.000-07:002010-08-28T03:45:11.611-07:00The Edge of the Divine<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4lSotpQNhO6lffyIZUY6_uYgSFBjif86HVur4B_nK9FeCqrHeVTlCYaauT40-Ye8ouSO4UmtOFHqeuIuI3WoHibjAvz-LSRdg9z28t8ry-m2FPGIB5Z9_I8WvNbIk0sZKUlRqXXUDY5o/s1600/change+of+perspective.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 373px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4lSotpQNhO6lffyIZUY6_uYgSFBjif86HVur4B_nK9FeCqrHeVTlCYaauT40-Ye8ouSO4UmtOFHqeuIuI3WoHibjAvz-LSRdg9z28t8ry-m2FPGIB5Z9_I8WvNbIk0sZKUlRqXXUDY5o/s400/change+of+perspective.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5510409642965738290" /></a><br />I awoke after an odd and terrifying dream.<br />I used that dream to write some of the novel.<br />So scary can be turned into something good if I am creative.<br />(I am putting that in my back pocket.)<br /><br />I have not written the blog for a while because I have been sifting through passages of my life and did not want to report the rollercoaster days and nights, I wanted to just let them unfold as they may. <br /><br />The best thing about experiencing a devastating depression and crippling panic is that it has allowed me to really be honest and see myself. <br /><br />And there is a lot to see. A LOT.<br /><br />Of course, Sandi Patty has released a project that mirrors my journey now. How does she do that? <br /><br />The concept I really like is that sometimes when we think we are on the edge of disaster, if we change the lens of perspective, perhaps it is the edge of the divine.<br /><br />Take it or leave it, the idea has been a blanket for me in these times of greeting myself and walking out of this lifelong cloud of uncertainty.<br /><br />Much love,<br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-66192797669230145402010-08-13T12:55:00.001-07:002010-08-13T13:00:54.794-07:00In the Breath of Me<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjttWGWKLobbFWL5bYWuC-vNwWXoHgS4Cl0VUIPh1LyHWZbWyhDtwmkd6l_m5votHz_uG4gg5QsLMAz1qvoRfcV46j-paxV26fx4FhbW9tpnnGnwKU7f6P7TOzNba6SgmRhNP_mKVdtVIg/s1600/mans-first-breath.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 395px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjttWGWKLobbFWL5bYWuC-vNwWXoHgS4Cl0VUIPh1LyHWZbWyhDtwmkd6l_m5votHz_uG4gg5QsLMAz1qvoRfcV46j-paxV26fx4FhbW9tpnnGnwKU7f6P7TOzNba6SgmRhNP_mKVdtVIg/s400/mans-first-breath.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5504986920731448450" /></a><br />Today, in the breath of me<br />There is lightness<br />And stillness<br />And whimsical offerings<br />Of today<br /><br />Now, in the breath of me<br />There is newness<br />And abundance<br />And possibility<br />Of now<br /><br />Then, in the breath of me<br />I start the new dance<br />Letting go<br />Trusting the steps will appear<br />When they will<br />The steps of the today, the now, the thenDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-79349013676604083632010-07-21T22:59:00.001-07:002010-07-21T23:02:23.512-07:00Dear Leaf Coneybear<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipbcsMc5buZ7CZfvRSm00ZKW8GN6dBJkzhhAUdeQl6pcbf1VTJ4t_lAuF9weXEcsRdTTQDAFDAsM9BDexx5HBdH3OESodDBDFjFgfrj9HBHTZdsAdFO3N0bUFRasnr9ZxTX4Z03fafuFI/s1600/PUTNAM_CAST.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 395px; height: 298px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipbcsMc5buZ7CZfvRSm00ZKW8GN6dBJkzhhAUdeQl6pcbf1VTJ4t_lAuF9weXEcsRdTTQDAFDAsM9BDexx5HBdH3OESodDBDFjFgfrj9HBHTZdsAdFO3N0bUFRasnr9ZxTX4Z03fafuFI/s400/PUTNAM_CAST.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5496606954793255810" /></a><br />Dear Leaf Coneybear,<br /><br />Thanks for letting me play you in my upcoming production of "Spelling Bee". It is my hope that I capture your innocence and love of life, your beautiful simplicity and that is speaks to a portion of my heart that is difficult to find these days, that your joy awakens my own in the magic circle of theatre and the rehearsal process.<br /><br />I am so glad to meet you and look forward to becoming the best of friends,<br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-43089896786340293472010-07-11T21:33:00.001-07:002010-07-11T21:39:28.056-07:00Powerpuff Therapy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-z2QNykfKXCnLAC2cjKxyyR1qr_zlHpd3IW32Cm4ppwgih8kT15LdgffdzGkhV_IEEZfxCm_Z7W-gqLcgSEkRcW4CD6zbSO-l_RWqHhNDcNwURy7iKfNK1WnFIuJzbWq7PBnJaOGMMc/s1600/powerpuff+poster.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 268px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-z2QNykfKXCnLAC2cjKxyyR1qr_zlHpd3IW32Cm4ppwgih8kT15LdgffdzGkhV_IEEZfxCm_Z7W-gqLcgSEkRcW4CD6zbSO-l_RWqHhNDcNwURy7iKfNK1WnFIuJzbWq7PBnJaOGMMc/s400/powerpuff+poster.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492874743256341970" /></a><br />I spent the weekend working at a toy store, watching great films with friends, watching more "Powerpuff Girls" episodes than a person should in one sitting, and playing with Oz, the wonder pup.<br /><br />I want to live in a bed right now.<br /><br />This week I am working 40 hours and Monday- Sunday.<br /><br />Whew.<br /><br />Talk about a change in schedule.<br /><br />Hopefully it will prove advantageous.<br /><br />I must say - "The Powerpuff Girls" are therapeutic.<br /><br />I am not happy today, not really sad, not panicky, just here.<br /><br />I will take that.<br /><br />Love,<br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-26170200756480926022010-07-10T13:55:00.000-07:002010-07-10T14:10:43.319-07:00The Toy Express<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp7vVHk_CnxbRZxth92Y2rZLUtnXLlH0qOEqthE67Mc1pSiYHTO_QULCalMPoho5QnnoQbsGUPrEdmWzbuWCj6_u6N0HKk1lNYo1tEe8X6tWAuCzvxPwy-dlgYTGo4E2d96pTq2NfsjvU/s1600/learning-express-toy-store-franklin-tn.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp7vVHk_CnxbRZxth92Y2rZLUtnXLlH0qOEqthE67Mc1pSiYHTO_QULCalMPoho5QnnoQbsGUPrEdmWzbuWCj6_u6N0HKk1lNYo1tEe8X6tWAuCzvxPwy-dlgYTGo4E2d96pTq2NfsjvU/s400/learning-express-toy-store-franklin-tn.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492387597628618162" /></a><br />There once was a man who was lost<br />Instead of Spring within there was frost<br />For the Toy Express he was bound<br />And it was there inside that he found<br />The glint of new life and of peace<br />The hope that drowning darkness would cease<br />All on this simple Toy Express<br />And in the distance he saw the Land of SuccessDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-69978030032802871442010-07-10T00:10:00.000-07:002010-07-10T00:15:46.525-07:00The Ups, the DownsMy friend Patti asked me if I was doing okay. She was confused by my blog. One entry was upbeat and the next sad. I understand her confusion. What I am trying to do is report how I am in the moment... and right now that is a glorious mess. I had four really wonderful days where I was energetic and I danced about and was soaking in the joy. The past few days it has been me stuck in a bed again and sad, adrift. It is not nearly as bad as it was a month ago, but still so far from where I want to be. <br /><br />I work at the toy store in a few hours. That is my focus now. I am going to move out for a few months and weigh my options and attempt to finally make a home somewhere. <br /><br />Whew.<br /><br />Tonight I write from Regi and Jer's place. Oz is barking in his crate. I listen to Gavin Creel and just hope for a nice sleep.<br /><br />And to awake in a better place than I have found myself these past few days.<br /><br />But if not, I will take one step and then another.<br /><br />Oh depression, my how powerful.<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-76621562126922431662010-07-05T21:04:00.000-07:002010-07-05T21:09:59.802-07:0032<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidrfSQF2PoIINKK_ljJp-NCSLO6hyphenhyphen_FQDF6SzADzWGEYv1VUGPBEjfwN8BxACPbycdq7vrOr98yeIFNQulgUw0ViwWwHPtvWhuSXwCTcGWFsK22Ut2XUKUJHcCxcZIbrCWuTxlzk0xbPY/s1600/quin+and+me.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidrfSQF2PoIINKK_ljJp-NCSLO6hyphenhyphen_FQDF6SzADzWGEYv1VUGPBEjfwN8BxACPbycdq7vrOr98yeIFNQulgUw0ViwWwHPtvWhuSXwCTcGWFsK22Ut2XUKUJHcCxcZIbrCWuTxlzk0xbPY/s400/quin+and+me.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490640610202621250" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuUhOwprbamtp8NFRhteZEjsZfMb6MpKMV7h4uLBipyXjK1QQfmHyVhdK02i3sjJvyHHWFcqSDGohb_J0a5ocHadgckVYH0n0J-e06kpwm38SUEXKVo2pqnMaYMs5OLY53FBuNJcf0Nbw/s1600/dustin+32+birthday.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuUhOwprbamtp8NFRhteZEjsZfMb6MpKMV7h4uLBipyXjK1QQfmHyVhdK02i3sjJvyHHWFcqSDGohb_J0a5ocHadgckVYH0n0J-e06kpwm38SUEXKVo2pqnMaYMs5OLY53FBuNJcf0Nbw/s400/dustin+32+birthday.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490640507050459746" /></a><br />Today was one of the best birthdays I have ever experienced.<br />I love my friends and family.<br />I love my presents.<br />I love laser tag.<br />I love board games.<br /><br />I love being a kid at heart.<br /><br />Today was an UP day.<br /><br />So far, 32 is looking damn good.<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-49868447043936211052010-07-02T23:57:00.000-07:002010-07-03T00:03:04.220-07:00Indeed a Wild Man<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZNbo97ssl7Gr6du81mmzYPZJgL6096zz0JmCr3_rhTo4P8h4u_A-S8522cK3PqaUgdTft-MTfILZoVCdJR0puQPmfqFEdO0iKIukaey2g72LMmdxF6DNjZt5PwY2SmXCfjV0gXzP_GQg/s1600/sandi+patty.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 252px; height: 275px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZNbo97ssl7Gr6du81mmzYPZJgL6096zz0JmCr3_rhTo4P8h4u_A-S8522cK3PqaUgdTft-MTfILZoVCdJR0puQPmfqFEdO0iKIukaey2g72LMmdxF6DNjZt5PwY2SmXCfjV0gXzP_GQg/s400/sandi+patty.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5489571771992292562" /></a><br />Today I have been happy all day.<br />Very little panic.<br />A real glimpse of me.<br />I am a bit tipsy and at a party.<br />What am I doing?<br />Watching youtube clips of Sandi Patty.<br />I am a different gay indeed.<br />I get "liquored up" and watch performances of a Christian singer.<br />I am indeed a wild man.<br /><br />Thank you to God, the world, for a FULL day where my heart was fully present, aware, beating with purpose.<br /><br />Such ups and downs have I endured for so long, it is nice to not feel as though I was on a rickety rollercoaster. <br /><br />Wow.Dustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-78537957014579903572010-07-02T03:20:00.000-07:002010-07-02T03:24:52.349-07:00To Feel and Know<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3K_UIFmV2_LxOMc7ziA9p-sBATcjh0S6vldqr7bCn7_Tqp8_cLk8aC-zT0livPLPWnUT9YgZ6rN57R84hbT2flQwVST2Wk0usn1xsqhad2fn47yyVPrYxgmDOTkZeZaxu9gazWEAZajM/s1600/wendy-bathtub-bubbles.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3K_UIFmV2_LxOMc7ziA9p-sBATcjh0S6vldqr7bCn7_Tqp8_cLk8aC-zT0livPLPWnUT9YgZ6rN57R84hbT2flQwVST2Wk0usn1xsqhad2fn47yyVPrYxgmDOTkZeZaxu9gazWEAZajM/s400/wendy-bathtub-bubbles.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5489252899423430066" /></a><br />I do not know how long it will last, but right now (yes it is way too late/early to be awake) I am HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />I feel wonderful.<br /><br />I am just playing with the bubbles of joy in the bathtub of my great night.<br /><br />To commemorate this, I am posting a picture with this blog. It is time to do that again.<br /><br />No matter what, I had this night and know that it CAN happen.<br /><br />I needed to feel and know that.Dustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-6706695588384559342010-06-30T01:23:00.000-07:002010-06-30T02:05:03.879-07:00CatharsisI have been trying to get rid of the emotions I had for the man I dated for almost four months, but tonight I realized:<br /><br />I don't have to let go of my feelings, I can cradle them inside for as long as I need.<br /><br />And the biggest epiphany was this:<br /><br />I loved him - it happened, it just was. I did not allow myself to admit that until tonight. I would have done anything for him... I just do not think that he was ready for what I had to offer. <br /><br />So, although I am not there yet, I know one day I will be grateful for this pain, grateful for the heartache that made me feel as though my soul was ripped apart, because it allowed me to know the depths I can love someone, to finally experience that place I had always imagined to be within me. <br /><br />I don't know what the future holds. I thought he could be "my one" and that is something I have waited for and dreamed about for so long that I did not want to see it go.<br /><br />To watch that dream die, that idea of what we could have been...<br /><br />but I never have to truly sever that connection. That is what has been killing me: thinking that I must break that bond. If we ever talk, it would be when he is ready and more aware, but I am connected to him for always because once I love it is never forgotten.<br /><br />And while I still might get angry at some of the ways I was treated, at how actions that could have been so easily avoided made me have to leave, I will never forget that love that I felt and will always be proud of the man that I was and am... one that loves with all his heart and soul and dared to go after someone that he thought was his dream embodied.<br /><br />Good for me, I am a brave man.<br /><br />The turmoil I face is a representation of my love, and when I look at it that way it makes it a bit easier. <br /><br />I have been asking for a month now, did I make the right decision and have heard many perspectives... but I needed to know it for myself. But this decision was/is about ME. <br /><br />It was the HARDEST decision I have ever made to date, but I know it was right... at least for now. Who is to say what could happen? I certainly am not making predictions or waiting around, but I know that I have had the answer to that question in my heart and it merely needed to take its own time to reveal itself unto me. <br /><br />So, I need to trust my instincts. This is my life and I determine how I live it. I really have made some poor decisions, avoided things I should not, but I have also lived a life of adventure and of passion. <br /> <br />But loving someone is never a poor decision. <br /><br />It just is what it is. <br />I must learn to trust that the answers will come when I am ready to understand and live them. Tonight, I made a big stride in doing that.<br /><br />But to you, the man whom I knew for such a short time, know that I loved you. <br /><br />And to myself, good for you for being nakedly honest.<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-1814950404591367532010-06-30T01:12:00.000-07:002010-06-30T01:20:50.032-07:00Why?This blog - it is a funny little thing.<br />Recently, I have been asking myself why I keep writing, what is the point?<br />And do I feel it odd to share my thoughts and innermost feelings with, well, anyone that ventures onto this musing screen?<br /><br />Why write these musings at all, especially as of late when I have been so deep in the emotional trench of my life?<br /><br />The answer is simple - This blog, my musings help me articulate the moments of my days, the fears of my nights. And I for one think that the world would be a better place if we could all access our emotions and share them more readily. <br /><br />And in helping me, I do hope (and know because of some of the comments/emails I have received) that my words help someone else's road in a small way.<br /><br />Rarely do I plan a blog topic, but one occurred to me tonight on my ride home from seeing "Eclipse" (by far the best film of that franchise) and I need to think on it a bit before I write it - maybe later today or tomorrow. Let's just say these thoughts help set me free, something I thought impossible as of late.<br /><br />So thanks for reading and get ready for a big one. (Ha, sounds dirty and I am keeping it!)<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-71899650732146321942010-06-29T16:16:00.000-07:002010-06-29T16:22:44.117-07:00Perpetual OddityI am living in the new reality that it will be a long time before I feel like me again.<br />That sucks.<br />I never know the me I will be on any given moment.<br />I was in the playroom with Quin and had to fight tears.<br />I do not even really know why I was sad.<br />It is like I am caught in some perpetual pregnancy or PMS or menopause - odd since I don't have those parts.<br />Hee.<br />But here I am, trying to get some things in order and trying to be a high-functioning man.<br />Wow, the scope of what I want to do each day has changed to what I MUST do.<br />I am in an odd, odd place of my journey indeed.<br />I shall keep reporting what is afoot.<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-68446385507634728392010-06-28T01:33:00.001-07:002010-06-28T01:36:19.476-07:00Quiet NightMy schedule has flip-flopped.<br />I have watched almost three Pixar films tonight alone.<br />Sleep is elusive during the night right now.<br /><br />I love the night,<br />I find solace and alone time.<br /><br />I hate the night,<br />I feel alone and too quiet...<br /><br />Such a duality running around in my corner of the world right now.<br /><br />Just a short thought or two for you on this night turning into early morning,<br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-34628982354286536892010-06-27T22:30:00.000-07:002010-06-27T22:34:49.026-07:00Pixar TimeDepression is such a powerful force of nature.<br />It really is.<br /><br />I live hundreds of lives per day in my psyche.<br /><br />It is both exhausting and fascinating.<br /><br />I have felt very far away from myself the past few days, just really, really sad.<br /><br />But there are positive things to report. I have a new job at a toy store. I am making some decisions about my life. <br /><br />And right now I am watching "Ratatouille" and having a little Pixar marathon. I think they are geniuses.<br /><br />I am just living my life today, letting it take me wherever it may go.<br /><br />I hope that you have your own personal Pixar time or something of the like,<br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4766591114340773277.post-33619312741306321412010-06-24T19:24:00.000-07:002010-06-24T19:35:17.484-07:00Open a Surprise Door"I think if you focus on how you perceive things<br /><br />and their potential<br /><br />your potential<br /><br />you open surprise doors<br /><br />things may indeed seem hopeless at times<br /><br />but it is more likely that you haven't seen the right angle of it<br /><br />and noticed what might await you if you face it in a different mindset"<br /><br />My insightful friend Chris wrote this to me when I was frankly discussing my life. I like the idea of surprise doors and looking at the right angle of something. Everything can change based on perspective. <br /><br />For some time now I have lost perspective. <br /><br />Often, I can see the changes I need to make but then become so overwhelmed that I freeze and do not accomplish the goal. Patterns and deeply entrenched lessons are hard to change, hard to find the truth that you need to live.<br /><br />I dwell in my head and analyze to the point of destroying the good of a situation and circling around the scenario so much it is but an emotional blur. <br /><br />Honestly, at times it is exhausting to be me.<br /><br />I would not begin to say I know how to rectify this, but at least I am acknowledging it and starting to try, one thing at a time. I tend to try and get to the last part of the road before I have decided the path, so that is something to learn as well.<br /><br />If nothing else, the world is trying to teach me to be honest with myself and really look at ALL OF ME (not just what I want those to see) and to be patient.<br /><br />I have never been good at either of those - I guess it is time to try and try and try again until I am.<br /><br />And, hopefully somewhere in the process I will open a surprise door.<br /><br />Thanks again Chris!<br /><br />DustinDustin Ashley Beamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05954219075645856061noreply@blogger.com0