Chronicles of Dustin Ashley Beam

This is going to be a smattering of emotional colours delivered with the passion of a thousand court jesters on the dawn of a new king. Perception change: Four years ago today I moved back to Arkansas to start over. I let a slab of Manhattan cement with a cornucopia of people dictate my worth. What the frack? I let myself believe I was unattractive because I did not fit into a mold of what "sexy" is. I am currently awake in a hotel in Blytheville, AR. I have a show in a little more than seven hours and should be exhausted after a three show day, but am wide awake listening to various youtube videos of Sandi, Wicked, Shoshana Bean, etc. Thanks to the technological wizards that invented the miracle that is youtube. I am not waltzing in Hyperboleland, I feel it is a miracle. Goodness, the performances that you can hear and see on there. It astounds the senses, it does. Wow! After writing the journey of grief over Dad, I have come to a very important truth that I could neve...

I believe again... I do not have a label for it and I do not think that it is necessary. Divinity has knocked on the door of my soul and I have graciously and gratefully let him enter. He presented himself: Through "Mary Poppins, the Musical". I felt like a child and that magic is REAL. Through the city of Chicago and its ability to make me feel as though I have finally found my HOME, Through my original perfection, Jojo Joy, whom I could not adore more and do feel is my sister, Through Josh, my writing mate and person for whom I possess tremendous artistic respect, Through finding the lyric and melody to a song for my Dad, Through discovering facets of my personality long dormant, Through the new Harry Potter trailer (I already know that is going to be one of my favourite films), Through this weather in the Natural State (There is divinity in design), Through the ability to make children laugh everyday in my delightful li'l show, Through the ability to hope and believe...

I should... be in bed asleep right now. I should... be packed for a trip that I am taking tomorrow/today. I should... be tired from a long day. I should... Well I have never been a fan of the shoulds. I am a six year old on Christmas Eve. I cannot sleep for I am so EXCITED about my forthcoming trip. I am driving to Cincinnati to see my dear friend Joshua and write some songs with him. Creating music is a spiritual and miraculous process, maybe the closest thing that I will ever experience to having children. Then on Monday, I am off to Chicago to see another soulmate, Jordan. I love her. I love Chicago. I can feel that this trip will be healing and enchanting. I can feel it, I can feel it... I am so grateful to have these two treasures in my life and to see and hug them again. Oh, I need to go ahead and leave some cookies for Santa. Grinning, DAB

It is a prevalent theme in my musings the past few months to mention change, newness, the unfamiliar. Somewhere in the midst of this newity, I fell in love with my life. Is it perfect or what I imagined it would be? Hmmm... to answer that question I must break the rules of etiquette and answer with a question. What is perfection? My life is a perfect representation of what it needs to be RIGHT NOW, here in the present. So, it is Dustin perfect, full of neuroses and eccentricities and magic. It is electric perfect. As for where I imagined my life to be at this particular age, this particular portion of the story, whew... I have been a slew of different people the past decade and what I thought about life and my particular contribution has changed and is still evolving. Bottom line is: Life is spectacular in its simplicity, its complexity, its duality, its darkness, its light, and my newfound pally pal pal, the grey. Explore it for therein lies the good stuff. I am not afraid anym...

I feel clear. I feel refreshed. I feel joyous to be alive and experiencing all that I am right now. It certainly has been a twisty, bendalicious few months, but I like the pretzel spectrum in which I now dwell. SOME ITEMS OF NOTE: The blog has a tweaked title and new heading that I find fitting. There is also a fun new picture of me that is one of THOSE pictures that captures the essence of a person. I look at it and I think, "That is ME." There is also some alliterative fun for we all know how I like that. The following is an online correspondence I had a few weeks ago with a rather insightful man. Ever since the chat, I have been thinking about what he wrote and it inspired me to tweak the blog. (I do not usually record online communications, but I saved his as I found it captivating and bold. I informed him that I was saving it.) I would say the first word coming to mind is 'glowing' there is a live current about you, something lit brightly magnetism it...

DISCLAIMER: As tone is hard to decipher in writing, let me make this passage clear: I am well. I am reporting on my emotional state, but please do not be alarmed. Have you ever felt heavy? Emotionally speaking I mean... There is absolutely nothing about which I can complain in my life. As I have documented in the past few months, I have been trying new things. The parts of my value system that were rigidly black, I have explored the grey to see if that was really my value(s) or if I was adhering to the principle(s) out of the fear of something new, something foreign. I am a sojourner in the labyrinth of me, but I have come to an impasse. I pause. I breathe. I sit. I feel... heavy, still, mute, blank. I need to be still and recalibrate. This labyrinth has corridors, deep corridors, I never could have imagined visiting. To you, I say: During this impasse, I am muting the musings. I simply have nothing to write or say right now. I shall return with renewed vigor when I do. Stillnes...