Chronicles of Dustin Ashley Beam

Time, so funny... How is that some years whisk by while others meander at the pace of a lethargic turtle? I bid adieu to March, I barely even knew you. I simply cannot believe that a quarter of 2010 is finished. Where did it go? Oh to be a child again when an hour seemed like an eternity of imaginative everything! Much love to you on this, the last day of March, Dustin

A quick li'l musing: What a difference a day can make in terms of emotional status. Yesterday, I sang at 2nd Pres. It was not a great voice day for me so I had to make some last minute decisions about my voice and what to do. Through technique and sheer force of will, it turned out beautifully. I used all my frustration and angst and let that colour the song. I am so grateful I have enough training, talent, and ability to make something like that happen. Singing is therapy. Then I attended a show called "The Little Dog Laughed" and it was one of the best productions I have viewed at the Weekend Theater. Wonderful direction, sublime acting, superb set and tech, and a thoroughly well-conceived show. Theatre is therapy. I then rested a bit and watched "Arrested Development". Good tv is therapy. And I wrote a letter to the Benster and shared some thoughts with him. Sometimes I have to write things out in order to make sure I say it the way I desire and make s...

Right now I want to escape from myself and just scream, a scream that has never been heard before quite like this - brimming with frustration, fear, annoyance, confusion, and rage. So, since I cannot really do that at this hour, I came to you, my friendly musing therapy realm. SSSCCCRRREEEEAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!! UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! DDDDDAAAAMMMMNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmm, that did help a bit. That's all, Dustin

I spent last night writing another song with Jonathan Trotter called "And He Said to Himself", a song about being who you are even when the world is telling you otherwise. I am just so happy about it, about writing again, about finishing a project that is one of the deepest passions I have known, and proud of myself for never letting go or losing the faith that these songs, these very personal tales of my spirit, would indeed see the light of day. It really is a lifelong dream of mine to do this and share much of who I am and my journeys thus far in this collection of music. I am grateful to Jonathan for facilitating this dream and bringing my ideas to life and intertwining those ideas with his gifts, his storytelling and music abilities. He really does astound me. And I am indebted to the other collaborators who helped me through this adventure thus far. Hell, I am not even recording yet and am like a contented child brimming over with passion for this opportunity. People...

Hmmm how to filter and still tell a story? Well here goes: I started the morning with delicious activities (YAY), then was at Hallmark for 8 hours. I was quite fatigued, but would have it no other way. What a lovely start of the day and it is wonderful to work in a place that I like and that brings out the good of me... During my workday I received a phone call from Brie that she was stopping by the house and cleaning my sheets and doing all of my laundry at her place in her real washer and dryer. WHAT?!?!? The washer and dryer combo at my place is the size of a toaster so it makes getting caught up on laundry a labour of due diligence. So I drove to Brie's after work and arrived to be served a mouth-watering meal. Yes, she served it to me! I remarked that I had somehow stepped into an alternate reality where I had a wife, after a day of work she made me a meal and did SEVERAL loads of my laundry folding all of it neatly in laundry baskets. Who does this? Brie does this I pr...

Due to the past couple weeks, I have been hyped up and not getting much sleep. But last night I fell asleep on the couch in my clothes while watching "Arrested Development". First, that show is hysterical and I love when you find something new that you adore. Second, I spent the day with Jonathan and he wrote a new tune. Third, I sang our original tune, "You Got Lonely" for auditions. It went well although having to be in the same space with all these people who are auditioning makes me quite nervous. Fourth, I feel like I really needed the sleep. I slept 15 hours... Somebody was a tired man. Tonight is our dear pal Lillian's last Fictive as she is heading back to Utah after her run in "Glorious" at the Rep. I will miss her. I just received my bill for PART of my stay in the ER - more than 2000 dollars! In a word, GREAT. Other than that, I am rested and looking forward to tonight and hugging, eating, drinking, and bonding. I hope you are well and t...

Writing has not come naturally for me the past several weeks. I have to make myself write musings and that is something foreign to me. But, today the muse caressed my cheek and said, "Let's start again my friend. I am back." During the second service I wrote a new lyric to a song about my Dad called "For You". Although I love the "Have You Checked Your Oil Today?" concept and still might use it, I just knew it was not right, not what I wanted to say anymore. Funny how that happens in the course of writing songs for a project. I also wrote an idea for my Mom song, "I Love You More Than...", and am excited that the particular idea is flying once more. Writing is my form of flying, a talent I have always wished I possessed and now do in my own Dustin/peculiar way. I just love creating, it makes me feel more alive than I know how to articulate. So, this week is all about finishing the CD and tweaking the concert and re-entering the world th...

Sometimes you just fall into a night of perfection: good friends, lively talks, new connections, a surprise text from a man you adore, delicious drinks, and blissful happenings. Tonight is one of those nights that I am glad to be alive, glad to be the me I am, and grateful to be able to converse and bond. Simple. Bliss. Attained... Dustin

There is so much going on in my life that is new and exciting and scary that I just cannot seem to get my feet on the ground; I cannot find my emotional anchor. It is a good thing, but still it makes me feel a tad askew. This is where I am in this moment, this day, living in the unknown and potential paths. Dustin

Today I started feeling like myself again, not just a shell person with enormous pain in regions of my body I did not know existed. (Aside: I apparently failed anatomy. Wait, I never took anatomy. Ha.) I am happy and experiencing feelings I have not in a long time and some I have never known. It feels good. I am glad to be me and to be alive, to be finding my health again after a wayward week. I just want to smile and dance a little. Will you take my hand and let me lead? Dustin PSfP: I love the picture I have posted. I think that there should be more places where men can dance like this - not just a gay bar, but a place where we can wear crowns and waltz. Come on people, let's create such a place.

Do you ever have the inkling that you are on the verge of something significant, something that will alter the course of things? I cannot quite put my finger on it, but I am in that place right now. A series of chapters of me are resolving, giving rise to the new chapters, the new skin of my different days, my dreams revolving to shed light on the opportunities I could not notice... Until Now.

As I write this, I am sitting on the couch in my living room, still in my regular clothes, and am anything but sleepy. I do not quite feel like myself right now. Pain redefined itself for me this week. I awoke on Tuesday and felt horrific agony in my lower right back. Withing a few minutes I knew that something was wrong. Long story short - I went to the UAMS ER and was diagnosed with kidney stones. I have since been informed from a close friend (who happens to be a doctor) that pain experienced from kidney stones is inexplicable. I was scared for the pain did not seem to stop. Also, it goes to show that one never knows where one's day is going to traverse. As advanced as we have become, we are fragile creatures living our lives and in an instant the balance of that life can change direction. I am grateful to my friends who were there and a special thank you to Brie for diagnosing me and for handling my garbled and odd phone call with grace, to Duvall for being there and t...

Recently I have noticed that I like to equate life activities with water. I bathe in the why, I drink in the delights, I swim in the joy, etc. Well this last week brought about a lot of bathing, drinking, and swimming in the new of my life somehow connecting to the old. It was quite a week for me. I have much to do right now but wanted to take a moment and write at least a partial update of where I am in the now. I love this time of year when I feel anything is possible and Spring is just around the bend (river). Dustin

If you would have told me a couple of years ago that I would be back at Hallmark and writing songs with Jonathan Trotter I would have looked at you perplexed. But I could not be happier about both. My first day of Hallmark was glorious and I love the store and the product (of course). Then tonight Jonathan came over and we wrote a song entitled "You Got Lonely". Why? Because that's what we do. And I must say that I adore the lyric and singing it is freedom itself. I am so surprised and thrilled Jonathan Trotter is back in my life. He really is a talent and his artistic sensibilities speak to my own and make me a better songwriter, singer, and artist. I have been planning my CD for a while and, out of the blue, a new, unplanned song was born on this night in March. I simply cannot sleep. Creation is the best feeling! I cannot wait to start the recording process of this CD. Now there are eight tunes almost completely written. Yay and yay and smiles and kicks and songs ...