Skip to main content

Mindful


I love the word MINDFUL. I overuse it, it is like a comfort food, my vocabulary tomato soup and grilled cheese. (Mmmmmm, let me take a moment there. Wait. Another. Moment. Better. Smiles.)

I strive to be mindful (and heartful) about events in life and in my heart/mind/daydreams. The past few months I have shared how I wanted to connect romantically with a man and some of the oddities that have transpired. Well the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about relationships, who I am in that context, what I bring to the table both in terms of strengths and past hindrances, and let me tell you it has been one wonky, intoxicating, eccentric, real, daring thrill ride. F*&# thrill rides. Ha. I am a one man thrill ride. (I love how true and dirty that reads. Well played Dustin, well played.)

I have certainly kept it in check, but it is FASCINATING to me that, as aware I am of self, that I have little technique for who I am in a relationship. I know that one should not change oneself for another, I do not mean to imply anything of the like... but it is a new technique, if you will... like when I walked into voice lessons. It is relationship voice lessons. And just like with that, one must remember to breathe.

I certainly do not want to come across as a drama queen (I loathe that term) or high maintenance as I have kept much of this process to myself, but it has been revealing to say the least. To meet portions of your psyche that were damaged YEARS ago and think, "Wow. That still is there. Learn from it."

I believe that which we fear we can bring to us and sometimes, if not kept in check, we can manifest in our lives. I WILL NOT be that man. So, it has been nice to revisit these experiences again with a fresh eye, a new heart, and see me for who I am now and where I could go.

I felt like sharing this for I feel that trying to connect with another person is gratifying, petrifying, and something that calls to all of us, in some form or fashion.

Life has called me to think about these things and really look at who I am and my past and see that it has been 11 years since I have really done anything in the course of romance. It is understandable I would be reticent, scared, and even resistant to the process.

But, this I can say:
I will be honest and communicate who I am and who I have been and share my story. Who knows what could happen, but at least I have been out there trying to make it happen again. For that, I say, "Yay me." (APPLAUSE PLEASE)

I wrote this last night. It was merely a pick-me-up if I get a little lost in this process, which tends to happen from time to time.

Always remember you are precious. You deserve all you desire in love's embrace. DO NOT SETTLE. Do not timidly accept the status quo. Be yourself. Love ALL of you. Let him see You: the child, the divine, the potential.

Thanks for reading.
Dustin

Comments

Meg said…
If it weren't so stinkin hot I would sooo be eating some grilled cheese and tomato soup. And I would share it with you. And we could eat it on your back porch. And talk about how neither of us is high maintenance nor a drama queen.
June 26, 2009 at 4:18 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Unbroken Thread

Happy Christmas. It is upon us in this hour, this time, this day... after all the fuss, the frenetic pace, it smiles as it does each year finding us in some of the same places and in some different phases. I always flip through the rolodex of my life on this day, remembering the last 30 Christmases (well I guess I don't remember the first few that well) like they are all connected in one amazing thread charting my successes, my growth, my defeats, my darkness, and my light. Technically Christmas has not really begun. I have not done the ritual of heading to my Mom's and opening gifts and waltzing to see our Christmas film, but I have already been touched by Christmas. I write a lot, in this land of musings I have shared 257 writings with you, my friend, my reader spirits. Much has happened in these past two years, but let me simply write that I was not sure that I would ever enjoy Christmas again, ever really feel connected to it, no matter what I tried to do, I felt adrift ...
2 comments
Read more

Loving the Squiggly

I was typing the other day and instead of hitting the ! key I hit the ~ key. Two odd altercations happened between two friends and me via facebook so I have deactivated my account for a bit. It was hurtful and unexpected. So when I hit the ~ key it made me smile and forget all that nonsense. ~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dustin
Post a Comment
Read more

And With This, Farewell

This blog has been a dear friend to me. I am not good at farewells, but truly this is anything but. I look at it like this - I love the phoenix, the symbolism of it all, the power of rebirth. Hence why I named my blog/musing screen after one. :-) So, I am leaving this particular blog to start another one, one that fits me NOW, the one that I can share in a new way. So this feels right. Thanks to those who have read my musings throughout the years. I hope you follow me to my new musing home entitled THE TWELVE THAT IS DUSTIN BAYLAN. Yes, I am changing the name, the story of that is on the new blog for you to read. Here is the link: http://dustinbaylan.wordpress.com/ Much love, much hope and joy again, much potential... Winks and smiles of the Cat that is Cheshire, Dustin Baylan
Post a Comment
Read more