Aching

Have you ever lived a life that never happened?

When you wanted something so intensely, from such a visceral place that you felt it in your bones and it was as if it left some imprint on your very skin?

Well, today, I awoke aching for a reality that never really happened but one that took place in my heart all the same, dwelling in this middle ground of reality and hope, my mind in the land of fact, my heart in the land of another realm just as real...

Today I ache for the world I never had the chance to see with the mind,
Dustin

Want to Take that Leap with Me?

I am humbled to be back at two places where people love me: my dear church family at 2nd Pres and at the land of the crazy retail, Pier 1.

I have new eyes when I work there now. I am so grateful to be seen, to be heard, to be cherished. They are wonderful people and I like that I am singing and living in that grand circle that is my life.

I have been all over the place the past few days due to new beginnings, yet another potential that did not pan out, and starting to really plan and think about the longevity and course of my life.

Do I want kids?
Do I want a husband?
How do I want my life to proceed? (Well, we all know those plans are never how it unfurls, but it is nice to think about and dream...)

The last week or so has seen the burgeoning of new traditions that I love: the cooking nights with wonderful food and fun with friends, some small gatherings at the house with great company... I am really discovering who I am and what I like to do NOW. And it is wonderful.

There are times I am overcome at how thrilling it is to be me: I am so MYSELF and odd and out there... at times it makes even me scratch my head. But I am so equipped for greatness (as we all are). It is merely learning how to harness those tools and take that leap into the brilliance that we all possess.

Want to take that leap with me?

Perfection

Nights like this, friends, good food, smiles, drinks, are the nights I am living my film life. I feel the swell of cellos and the rise of utter joy.

How I love this perfection.

And I created a drink, the RazDab.

Love to you all,
Dustin

Sunlight (A Tsunami of Muse Activity)

After a week where I felt horrible and laid around in bed and was murky emotionally, it feels wonderful to breathe again and see the sunlight bathing in my windows.

I planned a party a while ago for tonight and am having to get ready for it. When I was little, if I missed school in the latter portions of the week I was not allowed any "fun time" in the weekend. I still think of that and certainly was not a good school boy this week. But, I think that I welcome the diversion and the camaraderie.

It is nice to be writing again. It is an odd day or week or passage of time when I do not write or sing and I have done precious little of that this week.

But, I guess that just means that there will be a tsunami of Muse Activity forthcoming.

Much love. I missed you and myself,
Dustin

Unease

There are things that I do not really want to talk about right now, but that are causing me distress and heartache. I am not even exactly sure why they are, they just are.

Funny how one day you can feel all joyous and then the next day you are lounging around in the proverbial rock bottom.

I have been sick this week and hate that when I am trying to get much accomplished.

Anyway, I just wanted to write a smidge and share that I am not really happy in this moment and just want to cry or hit something.

Much love to you and the spectrum that is life, from the splendid to the crappy,
Dustin

Even in the Midnight Terrains

i should be tired, but all I can do is smile.
After years of trying different techniques, to do lists, and letting the overwhelms drain my effervescence, I did something new. I just DID instead of over-analyzing. A slew of little things that add up to me feeling dancey shakey that ass like it is the money maker it is. (Wait, my Mama reads this now... oh well, she is smiling if she is reading this so no harm, no foul.)

I started today at 715 am and "finished" it at 1145 pm. Whew.

Sometimes it merely takes a simple, seemingly insignificant paradigm shift to make ALL the difference. I feel as though I might fall unconscious at any moment but I also feel that I have shed years of weight, of failures, of things with which I needn't burden myself any longer.

This year I have devoured the new and it has proven worthwhile and launched me throughout the emotional spectrum. As a person who tries to understand where I am emotionally, colour me surprised that, out of the blue, things seem RIGHT again. I feel comfortable in my own skin, with how I am doing things and with where the journey is progressing. There were no cello swells or fairies dancing (well, that is another "tail" at least. The homonymn error was purposeful for humour's sake), but just a simple,

I am back, but stronger and better and cuter than before. And I want to tell everyone!

Colour me surprised that I am where I am, that I seem to keep making friends, singing songs, selling wicker, loving life, and hugging the hand of Fate who has never left my side even in the midnight terrains.

Love. It is that simple.

Love.

Dustin
The pictures are from an impromptu singing gig in which we caroled at an outdoor mall. Since it is pre-Thanksgiving it was early for my tastes, but SO MUCH FUN! I got to wear the elf hat (I have a thing for elves) and sing and it just fueled the passion of my artist. YAY!

Now I CHOOSE the Joy

Tonight Duvall, Jer, Megan, Jamie, and I ate a meal together. The first three and I grocery shopped together and made steak, salad, bread, and baked potatoes together. Jamie brought a Mmm mmm dessert.

It was like a family talking, cooking, and eating together. It was thrilling and joyous.

Then, Brie came over. Jamie went home. Duvall went to work. We talked, drank and watched (wait for it) "Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors" and then Duvall came home and watched the end with us.

He then read a schoolbook with so many double entendres it is impossible that it was not meant intentionally. He read it aloud in two of the funniest voices EVER.

We laughed and laughed and giggled and reveled in each others joy and company.

Tonight was one of the best nights I have ever lived, period. And it was simple, true, and full of just being ourselves. THESE are my favourite times, the ones that heal and propel me forward and make me blessed to be alive and who I am, where I am, and arriving at a place where I can see the befores and just smile at the pain and say, "You were a comfort to me and a life I knew for far too long."

"Now I CHOOSE the joy."

And it is ALWAYS a choice.

I could write on and on and on about this night, but let me say this:

My friends make me happy. Feeling at home makes me happy. Food always makes me happy.

I am just happy and I want to give that to the world, to anyone that is not happy, I want to hug them and share my energy and let them laugh with me and smile knowing there is SO MUCH out there, so much to conquer, and so much to live and love.

And I love you Jer, Brie, Megan, Jamie, and Duvall (in the order of how long I have known you): my odd little family. :-)

With the warmest of smiles and deepest of joys,
Dustin