Chronicles of Dustin Ashley Beam

Halloween: The night that Julian, the Jester shall debut in his colourful splendor. I am attending a viewing of "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and a party. Tomorrow night I am going to my second haunted house. I find myself being thankful today, a sentiment usually reserved for THANKSgiving, but it is where I am. So, in the year of 2008, I shall dub it Thankoween and Hallowgiving. It will make the turkey that much spookier (Oooohhhh).... My thankfulocities include: My friends, Jay and Karen whom have generously opened up their hearts, lives, and home to me to live until I have found my own dwelling while the house-hunting of drama lingers on. Their son, Quin, who is like my nephew, a son, a friend, and an effervescence in my days... I love him. The ability to write and articulate my thoughts, ideas, and feelings. My little late night viewing sessions of "The West Wing" on my adorable DVD player that is my bedmate. Music: A few months ago I stumbled onto a comp

I find shelter in the night. The blackness... the neutrality... He, quiet and faithful, entrances me with his nebulous nature. Sometimes I can almost hear, "I shall be here tomorrow and always." My friend is a delicate, lifelong hug. My blanket from the storm, my lullaby of blank canvas, my unwritten stories... my partner in the maze. For you alone I bow tonight and embrace the wonder that you are. I, the crescent moon and you, the tranquil sky shall dance the dance of days gone by. (original artwork by:Elizabeth Fraser)

True love is a sight to behold. I was asked to perform "All You Need is Love" in my dear friends Regi and Jeremy's nuptials. It was a Renaissance theme and in a backyard that would make HGTV people gawk. It was the embodiment of their spirit. They were in the energy of the ceremony. As emotional as I can become over life, I rarely cry at weddings. One would think the opposite of me, hell.... I even do and I AM ME. (Thought provoking blogging dwells here... right now...) I was deeply moved by this ceremony. The vows, the readings, the ambiance, the costumes, the love, the union. When I fall in love (it will be forever... wait) I would love to have a ceremony that was this real, anchored in joy. I have included a few pictures of the wedding and my jester-esque wedding ensemble. It was FUN to wear. (I feel I have a jester's soul.) There was a particular reading that made me cry because it put words to my heart and how I feel about love, marriage, etc. I am a

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. " Without the darkness, one could not fully appreciate light. Darkness is easy, it is expected. Succumbing to fear is passive. Embracing the light, that is where courage lies. It is time to let my light bravely shine. May you find yours as well... and let it shine for all to see. dab

myriad cornucopia plethora literally audacious entrancing vestibule dance periwinkle crimson altruism blueberry + muffin organic journey twilight hero hue cuddle pajamas heartened cadence intertwine kaleidoscope soliathero fathom innate perplexing labyrinth unrequited world flourish arise focus kindred besmirch indicative plenary wind-chime fluidity curiosity colours music harmony resolve .... poppet in the words i find solace, escape, expression, and boldness... in the blanket of these words i find... me... dustin

I write this feeling as dark as the night outside the sea of windows in this playroom where I reside. Shell-shocked by multiple changes, overtaking me in quick succession... I sit here and am lulled by the wind. It knows not that people are sleeping around him, so he valiantly and gracefully shares his music with me. It is a performance for one. He took a moment's faint breath, but now begins to work and adding to the song we share are the dance of timid raindrops. I feel alone although I know that not to be true. Sometimes my heart cannot feel the truth. Maybe it is easier to be alone, I don't know. I do know that I want to be loved in a way that makes time stop and say, "I have never seen it done like that before." The wind haunts me and makes me breathe in the melancholy of this evening and this periwinkle moment. For you brave wind and stirring rain, I sing from the midnight of my soul. Adding my melody to this, our periwinkle song.

1. Pajamas. 2. Sandi Patty (especially 1997's "Artist of My Soul"). 3. Meeting extraordinary people: Here's to Conly, Evan, and Maria. 4. Organic chocolate milk (I am still writing about it). 5. "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?". 6. Clue, the board game and "Clue", the film. 7. Having a show that you look forward to every week... that being "Heroes" and "Smallville". 8. Seeing your new dwelling for the first time. 9. Getting paid to do that activity that you would do for free. 10. New chapters awaiting... 11. Singing for nothing other that the sheer joy of music. 12. The number 12. 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12. 13. Writing your thoughts out and expressing them to the best of your ability. 14. Naps. 15. Fedoras. 16. An excellent home-cooked meal. 17. Having love in your life. 18. Laughing like a little child with full abandonment. 19. Having a new idea burst forth in your heart and being so overwhelmed by

October has been my favourite month for a number of years. There is something magical about it. I love the smell of Autumn and the possibilities it carries. I love changing leaves, colder temperatures, sweaters, and the sense of pensive energy. It is as if the world is saying, "Just breathe a little. Reflect. Pause. Be." And I need those words now. I think that the changes that have happened the past few years (which have been chronicled) have been difficult and to an excess of which I certainly would not have opted. The other day I had one of those cleansing deep cries. In the midst of that emotional downpour, I realized a couple of things: 1. I have been angry about My Mom moving on... but often where there is anger, there is deeply entrenched fear. Admission is the first step to healing. I feel as if I am being abandoned in some sense... that all my close family is coupled and I am the lone single one. Also, it means having to say goodbye to the last place my D