I stumbled into blog writing. It was fun and made me feel special - sharing my thoughts and dreams and hardships was cathartic. I feel like I have learned much in the past years and have written as honestly as I knew how to articulate. The past few months have been the hardest of my life and I have shared a bit of that with you, I have spoken with a counselor, I have started taking medication, I have made some progress. But, still there are times getting out of bed seems literally impossible. Times when the panic drowns me. So, I am simplifying my life and withdrawing from school, focusing on work and paying bills (something that I have not done in some time), and looking at my physical and mental health. It is time to discover why I am preventing myself from greatness and what factors are in me that I can change. I have no idea how to do this. But admitting that I am lost, feeling broken no matter what I do, that when I am happy I am merely waiting for the time that the happiness fad