In the Colouring of How I Present the Gifts

The death of my Father has coloured the choices I make, the way I live, and the values I hold dear. Sometimes, I am surprised the extent to which it has affected me. I equate it to a new room on the house: this room of grief. For several months both my Mother and I lived in only that room and throughout this process we have ventured back into the rest of the home and, finally, back in to the world. But, from time to time we visit the room again and take a nap, meditate, knowing that room is forever a part of us. I believe that when one experiences a deep shifting to one end of the emotional spectrum, both sides actually strengthen and grow. For quite sometime although there have been some thrilling and touching moments, I think my heart was used to dwelling in the darker end. But....

In the past few days I have had the privilege of performing in a capable production of Sweeney Todd. I portray Anthony, a love-struck sailor. It has been three years since I have performed in a musical and returning to the musical genre was indeed a homecoming. The magic of a live performance is just that, magical. The minor nuances added to each show and the vibe and energy shifts from one show to the next fascinate me. It is has been a long road to possessing self confidence in what I deliver on the stage both in voice and in storytelling/acting, but I am proud of the work that I am contributing to this masterpiece that is Sweeney.

I began to cry as I was driving home after our show on Thursday. The positive feedback I was getting was special, but even more so was that I realized that I was doing well. I have said many times that I did not create my vocal chords and I am humbled that I can sing. I have aggressively pursued training for the gift, but had I not had "the pipes", that would do nothing. Sometimes I feel like my own superhero when I tell this sailor's tender story through "Johanna", "Ah Miss", and "Kiss Me" (how much fun is that?).

There is a particular moment in the show where Beadle kills the bird that I bought to give Johanna. In that moment, she is the bird and I realize that would be the course of her life, that she would die in some capacity... perhaps literally or locked in the cage that is her current situation with Judge Turpin. I like to draw on something from my real life that places me in the thought of that moment and that is organic and easily accessible. I have found that what transports me there is watching my Dad being taken off life support and watching his body slowly, slowly, slowly, die. And there was nothing I could do about it. This is hard to revisit, but I see that even the most painful chapters of our story can lead us to something truly honest, simply stirring, and amazing. This is the first musical I have performed that my Dad will not be in attendance, but he is in the material, my soul, he is helping me bring the story to life. That, in and of itself, is a miracle.

Thank you Dad.... you are somehow still helping me and being my most ardent supporter. You are still here when I need you. The relationship is not dead, just different.

Now I am rehearsing Godspell and I already see a tremendous experience unfurling. There is already a great symbiosis and camaraderie. In part because the director cast it that way. Listening/Singing to "On the Willows There" during read through was a challenge. It made me think about killing Duane (our Jesus) in the show, the first theatrical experience I had with Jamie, Duane (where he also played Jesus), and Andy in Cotton Patch Gospel. Also, resurrection of dead loved ones means more to me than in the past. Again, Dad you are present in the work. I get the opportunity to sing "All Good Gifts" and I could not be happier. My voice, on the other hand, is tired and having to go from Sweeney to Godspell in a day has proven daunting. I think I need to treat my voice to a night on the town and some sweet Dustin lovin'. I am not sure what gets vocal chords in the mood so I need to get to thinking. :-)

The pictures are from our second party for Sweeney. It is difficult to meander trying to be social with the cast, perform well in the show, and rehearse this other dramatically different musical... Ah -- trying to be responsible... :-) The party was fun and I likey that we all have remnants of makeup on our faces. To explain the humping picture: That is Roben and she does all sorts of naughty things to me in the show as the Beggar Woman (and she is darn fantastic too!) and I thought it only fitting (as did she) to return the favour.

This one has been a long one poppets. You had time to floss multiple times. :-)

Much love for life, gifts, newfound friends, and musical theatre storytelling,
Dustin