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The Smile of the Crimson Phoenix (121: The Palindrome's Invitation for Transparency)







Transparent:
I reviewed the definition of transparent and, in the process, found two words with which I was unfamiliar.

The definition of transparent that I feel accurately encapsulates the essence of the word is:

trans⋅par⋅ent
    [trans-pair-uhnt, -par-]–adjective
1. admitting the passage of light through interstices.
2. so sheer as to permit light to pass through; diaphanous

in⋅ter⋅stice
  [in-tur-stis] –noun,
1. an intervening space.
2. a small or narrow space or interval between things or parts, esp. when one of a series of alternating uniform spaces and parts: the interstices between the slats of a fence.

di⋅aph⋅a⋅nous [dahy-af-uh-nuhs] –adjective
1. very sheer and light; almost completely transparent or translucent.
2. delicately hazy.

Through my newfound translucence I am admitting the passage of light, a new and rich light that shines like a beacon of purpose. I love words. They are my pals.

I have been fueled by anger and sadness, the black, periwinkle, and crimson have danced their dance and finally rejoined the orange, my organic colour.

I can no longer feel abandoned by the quickinosity in which my Mother remarried and moved out of the chapters of life to which I was accustomed. She is so happy and deserves EVERYTHING.

There are no words to describe how wonderful it feels to bond again with Mom and be starting anew. It was a lovely Mother's Day. I have been taking a reprieve, a family hiatus for several months now. But I am back and ready to communicate the distinct new me that is taking his stroll out of analysis and into the light. I saw my grandparents, Mom, Terry, Bran Flakes, Dee, and Patricio in ONE day.

I rarely do something small. In my opinion, less is less and more is more.

I am proud of my family. I am proud to be a Beam and to know and love the Darlings.

I celebrate Janet Lee Darling on this day where we celebrate the existence of the Mama. What a day that was full on all fronts.

Although I have no idea where it may lead, I am happy to report that I was asked out on a date by a dashing fellow. After the gay tetris of my wanna date sitcom, I am surprised and nervous as a leprechaun at a tiger all you can eat contest. I shall keep you posted. It is a date, not a wedding ceremony, but it is something for which I have yearned for a LONG time and I look forward to it.

Saturday, Jer and I saw "Star Trek" TWICE. It is in the TOP 20 films of all time. I could not help but think of Dad for he loved the ST franchise and we used to watch ST: The Next Generation together. He would have loved seeing the origins of Kirk and Spock. So, I saw it twice because I loved it and one time for me, one time for him. I am certain he has "boldly gone where no one has gone before". Smiles.

If you have not seen the film, I implore you to go. It is a joyous thrill ride... that cinematic cherub.

I am exhausted (more so than I have ever been and that is saying a lot poppets) from the show, but I will miss it when I can no longer put on those damn tight pants and visit the land of Billy Bob Johnson... oh my sweet li'l cowboy. I am posting a couple fun little backstage pictures from the production. I just love that Mandi (my fellow castmate and the character that Billy Bob adores and ultimately marries) and have come to respect and appreciate her professionalism and ability to play in the sandbox with me. What a genuine woman!

I wrote some lyrics tonight and am happy with them. I also returned to an idea for a Harry Potter/Dumbledore homage song concept that will now serve as the new title (and final) of the CD. The lyric will no longer dwell in the Book of Potter, but show reside in the Book Of Beam. It will be a lyric about my journey thus far and who I am. It also made me realize a symbol for me, the grief process, and dips into my love of all things fantasy.

FROM THE TEARS of a PHOENIX LOVE FALLS

I have written about it in several entries: this creature that begins anew from the ashes, that dies to be born again... I am that creature and I am proud of the man I am. It has been a day filled with bewitching possibilities dancing about my heart... letting go. Like the crimson phoenix, I am starting anew, blank slate, but always remembering the past, honouring its beauty, learning from its pain.

To the 121st blog, the number 121 being a palindrome and having 12 in it, to my Mama and our new beginning, to the crimson phoenix, to a date and Operation: Sexify, to films that entertain and give me the smiles, to Star Trek, to Dad, to all I have been and ALL I will be, I lift this online goblet and toast all of you.

Thanks for continuing to read the journey journals.

Winks and a myriad of smiles,
Dustin Ashley Beam, the crimson phoenix

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