Today (Honesty's Hand)

Patterns emerging
Known within but never uttered
Now I choose to share
I have felt finished
broken
wasted
so far away from the me I thought I wanted

Troubling indeed
But in the past three
I have changed the steps I take
Not jumping into the same cycle

Not quite okay
But resolute
Perspective was lost
And although it is not quite found
I am holding honesty's hand
for the first time
in a long, long time

Looking at me
Not blaming
Smiling and saying,
It's time to try something new
Consistency is attainable
You are merely strangers
And need someone to acquaint you
Looking now...

So today, I will hold honesty's hand
And try to do the same tomorrow
But today, I held honesty's hand
And that makes me okay
Today

Comments

The Unbroken Thread

Happy Christmas. It is upon us in this hour, this time, this day... after all the fuss, the frenetic pace, it smiles as it does each year finding us in some of the same places and in some different phases. I always flip through the rolodex of my life on this day, remembering the last 30 Christmases (well I guess I don't remember the first few that well) like they are all connected in one amazing thread charting my successes, my growth, my defeats, my darkness, and my light. Technically Christmas has not really begun. I have not done the ritual of heading to my Mom's and opening gifts and waltzing to see our Christmas film, but I have already been touched by Christmas. I write a lot, in this land of musings I have shared 257 writings with you, my friend, my reader spirits. Much has happened in these past two years, but let me simply write that I was not sure that I would ever enjoy Christmas again, ever really feel connected to it, no matter what I tried to do, I felt adrift ...

Loving the Squiggly

I was typing the other day and instead of hitting the ! key I hit the ~ key. Two odd altercations happened between two friends and me via facebook so I have deactivated my account for a bit. It was hurtful and unexpected. So when I hit the ~ key it made me smile and forget all that nonsense. ~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dustin

Holding the Key

Only I am solid ground. Those whom I love - the new, the familiar - can be my circle, my connections... but the connection to self is the key I have been missing. Peace fills me as I hold the key and begin to unlock the doors of my life. Only I am solid ground and I embrace the beauty of me. Dustin

Chronicles of Dustin Ashley Beam

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