Monday, March 3, 2008

Bidding adieu to my sleep, Paying Homage to Eternal Sleep

Sometimes it is difficult to start over and put yourself out there again. By out there I mean in the land of the living-have-a-regular-schedule-and-stick-to-it-kinda-way. Most of last year I spent on a big couch covered in a huge floral print. I must admit that I am not a fan of the way that couch looks, but he has been nice to me when I needed it most. Now we are good pals.

I have a year left of school and am starting to look at grad schools for musical theatre. I am ready to move on, but certainly have some apprehension. I have met amazing people, learned much about artistry and my voice, and had quality time with my Dad, rest of my family, and my friends. I feel as though my personality went dormant for some time to make way for grief, but BLAH BLAH BLAH....

I came to a realization the other day. I am tired of living in the Griefville, but have become complacent there. It was awful, but I had no expectations. I must admit that trying to do this thing called life again is harder than anticipated. I did not fully comprehend how far my joy went away.

Do not misunderstand. I am aware that I am the artist of my perception. I am looking at this as a challenge and I am blessed to have the people in my life that I do. At this time, I want to thank one of them:

Jordan: a newfound friend that is articulate, beautiful, witty, original, aware, and possesses an inate ability to make me feel that I am special and loved. The majority of our relationship dwells on the phone due to the geographical distance. (AR vs. IL) She is the newest addition to my eccentric family. There are no words to sufficiently show how much I love and respect her. Thank you Jo Jo Joy for bringing back my giggle. Talking to you is like a never-ending hug. Meeting you renews my faith in destiny and the fact that sometimes life gives you someone remarkable... at the moment you least expect it.

New Goodies to me:
25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee Cast Recording (I knew of the musical, but love all the songs and the musical journey)

The Little Mermaid Cast Recording:
Ariel is incredible and I enjoy the new material.

My new orange cell phone:
No, it does not email or fly to the moon, but it is darn cute and I am glad to have a phone that has good reception. It has been years since I purchased a phone and things have certainly changed.

A little bar in a hotel here in town that is a fun place to visit and drinky drink and eaty eat. hee hee

For you Dad:
It has been more than a year and I still miss you. I have found there is beauty in grief. It has shown me the depth of love I possessed for you and the celebration that dwells in my thoughts of your life, personality, and lessons taught. When I sing I feel that you dwell in the song. Thanks for all that you were and still are. This lyric from Eric Whitacre's Sleep moved me when I sang it with The New World Vocal Consort in Italy (and the UALR Concert Choir) and I wanted to end with its lyrics. May the sleep you now experience be a perfect and peaceful one my dear, dear friend and Father.

The evening hangs beneath the moon,
A silver thread on darkened dune.
With closing and eyes and resting head,
I know that sleep is coming soon.
Upon my pillow, safe in bed,
A thousand pictures fill my head.
I cannot sleep, my mind's a-flight;
And yet my limbs seem made of lead.
If there are noises in the night,
A frightening shadow, flickering light;
Then I surrender unto sleep,
Where clouds of dream give second sight.
What dreams may come, both dark and deep,
Of flying wings and soaring leap
As I surrender unto sleep,
As I surrender unto sleep.

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