Skip to main content

enough


for months i have looked for you
tried the flings,
the sites,
the freedoms i never allowed myself

changed am i
never thought i,
the gay monk
would walk down some of these roads.

so full of fear,
so unknown,
why do we fear that which we do not know?
but we do

until
we can live in the fear and see that he wants to be our friend
sometimes he is warning us
often we misunderstand him

i was one of those...
rolling around in sexual guilt...
from where?
why?

live it up
enjoy
play
no regrets

the moments have washed over me
bringing new waves of promise
hurtful, tarnishing
unexpected, reveling

enough
i say
enough
not doing the searching today

jaded
not me, nor shall i ever be
that is a meek decision
i am not meek

i make this life
i alone am responsible
but enough
not looking now

perhaps
whomever you are
wherever you are
it is time for you to look

for me
for love
for what might be
for the chance

grateful
am i
for these past months
holding the hidden parts of me

exploring the me i never knew
i am free
i am laughing
but enough

a refrain pours from me:
no matter what you see
you can have what you dream
always wanted

a love
just one
who sees you
who you see...

no longer naive
am i
but standards
i have

shocked
to see parts of the world
i have
never known

my searching heart
must rest
from my refrain
the song that ushers me onward

enough i say
enough
you
come and find me

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Leprechaun Loving Lush

Tonight I got snockered with some bombastic leprechauns, dabbled in the cuisine of Acadia, conversed with some drunk oddities, called and text people in quite a state of lowered inhibitions/let's talk about life and giggle, and discussed trivial matters (Is "Sweeney Todd" actually a good film, why do I like "Twilight", etc.) as if life depended on how I articulated my stance in these matters. What an odd, fun, new, out-of-the-comfort zone night for me. Gloriously uncomfortable and disgusting decadent. YAY. Every day I seem to be doing something I have never done before: from the tiny to the grand. It is an experiment and I am loving and loathing it, and all the intoxicating in-betweens. (Yes, not-so-clever pun intended.) I hope that everyone had a wonderful St. Patty's day! (oh my, that is like Sandi Patty, but not at all...) Love, The DABalicious Leprechaun Loving Lush
1 comment
Read more

And With This, Farewell

This blog has been a dear friend to me. I am not good at farewells, but truly this is anything but. I look at it like this - I love the phoenix, the symbolism of it all, the power of rebirth. Hence why I named my blog/musing screen after one. :-) So, I am leaving this particular blog to start another one, one that fits me NOW, the one that I can share in a new way. So this feels right. Thanks to those who have read my musings throughout the years. I hope you follow me to my new musing home entitled THE TWELVE THAT IS DUSTIN BAYLAN. Yes, I am changing the name, the story of that is on the new blog for you to read. Here is the link: http://dustinbaylan.wordpress.com/ Much love, much hope and joy again, much potential... Winks and smiles of the Cat that is Cheshire, Dustin Baylan
Post a Comment
Read more

Much Needed Silence

The past few days I have liked the darkness, the silence of my room. I have not come out much and have watched "Sleepless in Seattle" over and over and over and over. I started wondering why I want to be alone (I am not depressed at all) and started doing the roommate math. I have lived with 41 different people in my life. I have lived in 21 different living environments not including all the different times I moved around with my family as a kid. I have hit a wall where I just want ME time and a lot of it, no talking, no sharing, just alone time. In this much needed silence I find that I am a much simpler person than I once was, that I really love the quiet, and that it is time to live alone soon. I have done the roomie thing more than anyone I know and met some wonderful people, but I am overloaded with that experience. So, back to "Sleepless in Seattle" and my much needed silence. Dustin
Post a Comment
Read more