Swirling (The Right Frame of Muse)

It is what I am doing right now...
Swirling.
My energy has been resting the past few days, needing a moment to recuperate from all the new.
But it has reappeared and is ready to eat the day, devour the morsels that are there to taste and quench the spirit.
I cannot begin to describe how gratifying it is to be writing my little novel again. It is speaking to me in little snippets of several chapters and some dialogue. Far from perfect or the finished product, but it is nice to be a conduit for that world. I have missed it and was starting to doubt if I was going to write it again. I am determined to write it and tell that tale, whatever it may become. It keeps taking odd twists and turns, but I would imagine that is to be expected. I feel that it is a living entity and I have to be in the right frame of muse to create and mold the words, expressions, plots, and locales of this epic story.

I am struggling with money and dental bills again. Yuk. But I am back at the church and returning to the Pier on Saturday and I have a Catholic Church job this weekend so I am doing all I can to get straightened away.

This time of year is always difficult for me; I walk in my old skin somedays remembering death, sadness, isolation, and being alone... but it is comforting to see that although that still resides in me, it is not the prevalent voice. There is a new one smiling through the ash, showing his power to all who want to hear...

It is a new song played by one, but with echoes of the many of my heart...

I love life.
I love writing.
I love days like this.

Dustin

Comments

Unknown said…

Dustin,
I love your writing, too. I write because lives live through me, pleading with me to give them voices. I can identify with your sentiments here.
I'm so grateful to be on the other side of sorrow. As long as a person remembers another who has left this earthly plane, he or she lives on.
Love You,
Your #1 Fan,
Mom

November 10, 2009 at 10:24 AM

The Kick Ass Brothers (And the Theatre Room I Am Going to Steal)

I just spent the day with my brothers, Bran Flakes and Patricio watching "Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood", "Sin City", and "Live Free or Die Hard" in Bran Flake's KICK ASS KICK ASS KICK ASS Theatre Room. (It deserves all three kick asses and then some actually.) It was a Testosterone Day and I made it all the way through. Can we say the same for Patricio? (Titty baby. Ha.) I think that was the first blog smack talk I have "thrown down". I had never seen "Sin City" or "Live Free or Die Hard". Both were excellent. I did not want to leave the nirvana that is the magic room of cinema wonder. So, thanks to Bran Flakes for hosting and for having the idea. And Patrick, let me know how that nipple is treating you. Here's to smack talk... How liberating! (Especially when I am in control of the forum!) Here's to a kick ass theatre room. And to even more kick ass brothers, Dustin

Call to Action

This past Saturday I, with thousands of others across the country, attended a protest/rally of Proposition 8 and Act I (the adoption ban in Arkansas). My dear allies in this battle were Jay, Karen, their joyous son Quin, our mutual friend Greg, Amanda, Carter, Sarah Jane, Liz, and the brave Arkansans that showed up for the rally on the steps of our Capitol. It was bitterly cold and grey, but within I was ignited with passion and newfound purpose. As I listened to the stories of my fellow brothers and sisters, gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, I was struck by the power of the many speaking as one. Then I began to visit my own story and was struck at how far I have come... to think back fourteen years ago when I had my brother tell my parents that I happened to be gay because I was so frightened as to what they would think, say, how they could ever love me, this abomination.... To now, a man standing with his friends and proclaiming "This is our right, What you have done is ...

In the Colouring of How I Present the Gifts

The death of my Father has coloured the choices I make, the way I live, and the values I hold dear. Sometimes, I am surprised the extent to which it has affected me. I equate it to a new room on the house: this room of grief. For several months both my Mother and I lived in only that room and throughout this process we have ventured back into the rest of the home and, finally, back in to the world. But, from time to time we visit the room again and take a nap, meditate, knowing that room is forever a part of us. I believe that when one experiences a deep shifting to one end of the emotional spectrum, both sides actually strengthen and grow. For quite sometime although there have been some thrilling and touching moments, I think my heart was used to dwelling in the darker end. But.... In the past few days I have had the privilege of performing in a capable production of Sweeney Todd . I portray Anthony, a love-struck sailor. It has been three years since I have performed in a mus...

Chronicles of Dustin Ashley Beam

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