I spoke with my dear friend Jojo a bit ago about some life goings on. As always, she was an active listener and shared some insights into arenas of my life.
I wanted to quote some of what she said as it inspired me to write several quotes down on a legal pad and tape them on my wall in front of my laptop, Phoebo (yes named after a "Friends" episode..)
"At moments where you are the most vulnerable, etc.
YOU set the tone..."
"You are too busy to worry with that. (whatever the situation may be that is making 'you' feel powerless) 'I have some kind of authority of putting my own pieces in the puzzle. I get to say how I spend my time, etc. I get to say who has what parts of me...'"
(I love this one.)
"When you are feeling the most scared or things are different than you ever felt before, it means you are taking a different path on your roadmap."
I am officially an adult. I am on a one-year lease, I am the name on all the utility bills, I am paying all my own bills, and I am a car owner. It is time, but still a "what the hell, this happened fast" situation.
Tonight, through writing some thoughts of Jojo and adding some of my own, I started taking back my power and putting the pieces together to see the "new" puzzle.
Here are the words I wrote and have displayed on my wall of power:
You are a creator.
You set the tone.
Find and revel in your joy. It is always there.
Do not avoid... Look directly. Act. Be alert.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
Concentrate on self.
It is just dating. He is just a guy.
I get to say who has what parts of me... always.
You are the DESTINY of Jarryden. EXPLORE THAT BOLDLY.
Write. Create. Turn sorrow to song. *
Think about Quin... the wonder he is. Cherish him. Strive to be like his joyous and triumphant laughter.
(I also wrote the roadmap quote as it is powerful and so true.)
* This is loosely taken from the quote, "Hasidic teaching says there are three ways to mourn: through tears, through silence, and by turning sorrow into song."
I have found a great sense of personal pride in the way I accept who I am and how I see the world and try to be a man I respect. Still, there are lessons to remember, to learn, to teach, to seek, to touch, to sing, to share. And although fear is not my favourite emotion, it certainly has potential to change you, to deconstruct the paradigm. I am going through some much needed growing pains. In this exploration of the fear spectrum, I shall travel from gliding to fumbling, but that is exciting.
I hope that some of what I write helps you in your fears, your quests, your reminding your spirit who you want to be and who you are.
Later today, I will commence with writing my tale. IT IS TIME. I am scared, but I can hear it issuing a valiant and respectful invitation. I look forward to knowing Jarryden and Noki and seeing where this tale will lead me as a writer, a creator, and a human being.
Much love to you,
Dustin
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