Chronicles of Dustin Ashley Beam

As I walked into the Fine Arts building, I was struck at the number of people that wanted to say "hi" to me and hug me. No matter where I go, I am blessed to find love and acceptance. It will never cease to amaze and humble me. There have been myriad tiers in my life, like the rings of a wise tree named Terrance. :-) In each of these tiers, I have discovered acceptance, love, awareness and when the time came to leave and venture to another tier, I was a changed and better man. I am weird about these tiers sometimes. I miss them, I wonder if I will be back there again. Recently, I have discovered to take them for what they were: experiences in this grand web called connection. And just when you think a former connection is lost, POOF, there he/she is again. To all my decade plus tiers: Disney, Orlando, Dallas, NYC, community theatre, AMDA, Choirs, Pier 1, professional musical theatre, I thank you for changing me. You helped make me see the me I can be. Wherever I go,

Somedays you have little to nothing to say, your dialogue is extinguished from the onset of the rising sun. You want to watch other people's stories, breathe their words, visit their memories, let their nuances blanket you in warmth. Their stories are yours. Somedays, fiction is anything but. Somedays you are them, they are you. Today is somedays. Dustin

The horrid habits I harnessed the past few school terms are rearing their ugly heads (yes, there are multiples heads) in the first few days of classes. I can create elaborate reasons not to do something. Quite funny and perplexing. I am happy to report that I have attended all classes and have sat in the Financial Aid office more times than I care to share, worked on homework, etc. It is nice to have a daily to-do list and actually check off most of what was assigned. I have been doing these lists this week and always give myself more to do than I think will happen. It will take some time to re-create myself in a university setting, but it feels so wonderful to know that I am trying again, making it happen, and holding myself to a new and more adult accountability, a positive resistance to the old that did not work for me. Much love to you and wishing you positive resistance in the arenas of life that need to be tweaked, Dustin Postscript for poppets: This month marks the most tha

I am hopping around like a cricket on acid trying to manage school classes, shows, looking for a new job, re-organizing my room and life. Wow, but I like the hippity-hoppity of it all. Here are a few thoughts: Why do we stop colouring like we did as children? The past few days I have been working on a drawing page and it has been wonderful. I thoroughly recommend thatyou make some time in your day to colour. Just see the smile that slowly emerges on your face. I have no clue what grades I will make this term, but I am DETERMINED to be present and learn. For the past few terms, I have felt like a prisoner shackled to the monster that is UALR. I will write it over and over for it is a consistent theme in my days... We are the artists of our perception and can literally change a situation sometimes by changing our own mindset about the scenario. I find myself excited to LEARN this term. Who cares about the grades? I will do my best and learn Spanish and Non-Western Music, theatre

It feels glorious to say that I ENJOYED my first full day of classes. From learning new Spanish words to discussing how we play roles in everyday life to pounding on an empty milk carton with a stick to African tribal rhythms to getting to actually know someone in a large class by being instructed to interview her with five questions... My day ran the spectrum of interests. Indeedy-o. I can genuinely say that I like all my teachers and am looking forward to the semester. I feel like I did my first term when I attended UALR in the Fall of 2005 prior to all the emotional turbulence. Through delighting in classes again I am further delving into Operation: Lifeify and who I want to be when I grow up. Ha. Also, Operation: Consisify is starting slowly but surely as I get organized in my room, my life, and my schooling. Operation: Hmmmify will commence next week when I begin "The Artist's Way". It is a twelve week study designed to reawaken creativity. Having heard abou

A decade ago, I purchased a colouring book at a Renaissance Fair in Dallas. During this weekend's tidying process I found this little gem. The book is larger than a typical colouring book and is comprised of fantasy drawings of dragons and mermaids. Today, I spent my time backstage during both shows colouring one of the drawings. Colouring is therapy my poppets, delicious therapy. I felt such a sense of tranquility selecting the different coloured pencils to bring my little fantasy realm alive. Plus, I had something to show for my time. I just love colours and thanks to Crayola! Really, just take a few moments to look around and see the vibrance that is in our world. If you choose to see it, there is such beauty everywhere. And the tasty colours. Oh my. Lovely. It was a glorious day and I can feel Fall and her majesty arriving. So excited am I. This weekend I was truly happy, breathe-it-in-you-know-you-are-in-a-good-place kinda happy. Yay for that, Dustin

Although I have been living in the Realm of the Red Door for almost seven months, I feel like I really MOVED in today. I went through several boxes in my closet, re-arranged my furniture, made a pile for Goodwill, and rediscovered some past goodies. Today, I felt like I was home. Ah, home... a destination that has escaped me for a long time. It felt so blissful looking through my belongings and placing them around the room. YAY! Of course my room went through the phase where it looked exponentially worse than it did when I commenced the cleaning process. Now, it is still in disarray, but organized disarray. And I can deal with that. In fact, I think that is an apt metaphor for some of my life... I am sifting through the old, sorting the present, and piling for the future. I am including some more pictures from the show. I am having such a marvelous time telling Freddy's tale once more. Here's wishing you some organized disarray... Dustin

Yesterday was YAYrrific! School. Likey. Again. Needed. Muchly. (I decided that I must jump in again this term and not waste my money or time. Although I cannot possibly know what the term shall bring, it was exciting to be there early and ready to go like I was when I liked school. And I did enjoy the two classes that I have attended thus far. So this was a victorious moment for me. I need to hunker on down and study and all that mess that one does as a good student.) Show. Great. Love. Singing. (That is rather self-explanatory, but I often find in the third week or so, I really start "chewing" the material and find a comfortable balance of being familiar with the material and seeking to live in the moment as if I do not know where the material's journey shall lead. I love this portion of a run, where you know you can deliver and can start bathing in the nuances and actions of the character.) Novel. Wow. Lush. Heart. New. Words. (I am currently reading &q

Croralean: Dustin Ashley Beam's energy colours, a word derived from the combination of the colours CRimson, ORAnge, and ceruLEAN. I am a phoenix. The past few years have shown me that. My first CD is entitled "Playground of a Phoenix" and I wanted to change the blog title to represent who I am and who I am becoming. Nothing is a death, nothing is an ending, all are beginnings if we choose to believe. I thank you for reading my musings and hope you like the new journey journals of the CRORALEAN PHOENIX. Taking flight, Dustin Ashley Beam

It is 9:10 and I have already showered, been to school, gotten the financial aid matter handled, registered for classes, emailed professors, talked with a dear soul, and taken over the world. Well one is not true. I did not shower. Wait, I did for I wanted to be sparkly clean. It is raining again. So much rain for Arkansas in the past few months. (Ah, sentence fragments can really punch up a musing.) Jojo and I were endearingly whining about the rain for it is raining here and in Chicago too. I like wearing my glasses for they are fashionable, but in weather like this I either get blotchy due to the rain on the glasses or I look like I have low self-esteem due to looking down at the ground. Ha. Life is hard today. Nods head "no" and grins. So, I love rain... when I am indoors. When I am outdoors, it can prove to be a glasses' worst nightmare. Good news: I am enrolled in classes. Bad news: Financial aid is delayed and I shall have to be creative to get books, etc. L

Almost a year ago, a beloved feline named Gracie died. She was not my cat, but she was my friend. I am typically allergic to the felines, but I could pet her and I did indeed love her. She used to flop when you pet her and it was one of the most adorable sights I have ever beheld. The other morning I awoke after a vivid and tranquil dream. Gracie was at my feet and I could hear her thoughts. Also at my feet was my forthcoming CD. She noted that it was good that I had finished it and that she loved my music. I pet her and was filled with perfect calm. She was trying to rest, but I was restless and she laughed. She said she was leaving and got tickled that when we tried to sleep together one of us could not sleep well. This was odd, but she said it and I believed it to be truth. This dream was REAL. I loved her voice. Beauty embodied. I have never had a dream like this in my life and I have dreamed some humdingers. Gracie, I miss your flop. I miss your soft fur and purr (tha

Do you ever wish that the world had figured out a way to operate without the existence of money? I spent my day twisting and bending to those dreaded green papers trying to get things handled at school and with a former roomie and a security deposit debacle. Roomie and security deposit - Check and handled. School is never that easy and it stressed me to know that my aid might be delayed and I am a broke ass actor singer storyteller boyee. Also, I will miss a day of classes. Vent Vent Venti Caramel Macchiato Blah Venti Blah Blah. Anyway, it will all work out but I wanted to share my day of money woes. Grrr... Off to eat and escape tonight in a land where I am in love and these problems don't exist. Ah, the wondrous therapy of musical theatre. Dustin Postscript for poppets: The first pic is of money and I selected in because it was on a toilet paper dispenser. I think you can imagine why. The second pic is entitled "Twist and Bend" and I really liked it. Do enjoy and

A few things to note: 1. My Mama came to the show and adored it. I could hardly sleep the night before as I was so excited for her to see it. It was as if she had never seen me in a show ever. I was nervous and elated like a small child. Ha. She was extremely excited too. We are too darn cute. It is always one of my life's joys to perform for my Mama. Years ago, I would get so nervous I could not hardly think. I would make sure not to know where Mom sat. Now, I have to know where she is and use the nervousness as a tool to make a stronger performance. After the Ascot scene, there is a blackout in which I walk across the floor and get ready to enter for my song. My Mama Darling was sitting on the floor so I walked by her table and we grabbed hands in the blackout. She knew I was going to do it. It was a psychic Mama Son Moment (MSM). We have many of those. I am THANKFUL THANKFUL THANKFUL that we have entered a new season of friendship and that we can have these momen

To be doing a role I performed eleven years ago is fascinating. To see how I have grown as a singer, a storyteller, and as a man has been such an agreeable bonus to an already wonderful gig. Singing "On the Street Where You Live" every night is like eating comfort food, it just does a soul good. Playing a character who loves so wholeheartedly and purely heals some parts of my spirit that have lost a little faith. I deeply feel I was SUPPOSED to be playing Freddy again. :-) So, Lerner and Loewe, I salute you. And Freddy, thanks for being my friend once more. I look forward to the journey every night. May I be as unashamed, as loving, and as British. (Well, two out of three isn't bad... ha) To say that much has happened in the past eleven years would be obvious, but I am grateful that I am still singing, still telling stories through song. The circle of it all is enchanting, to be back in the same theatre again... sometimes it is as if I can sense the younger me an

This evening I smelled the first scent of Fall. I can feel it coming and I am so excited, I am! The Autumn is always a magical time for me and I am looking forward to creating some new traditions of my own. Autumn, autumn, autumn... :-) Other than performing in my show, I have been a hermit the past few weeks and I must say that I quite enjoy it. Every once in a while I do not mind getting out, but I so enjoy being alone... really. I do not know when I became this person, but it is someone I am getting to know quite well in the down time. He is a dapper and odd fellow and he is ME! Ha. I watched "Ghostbusters" the other night and I forgot how much I love that film. It is impossible not to shake your hind quarters when that theme starts... impossible I say! So, to anyone who has invited me to places and I have not attended, etc. please note that I am enjoying the quieter, less social side of me... it is nothing personal. I just am sharing through these musings and obse

I was reading Gavin Creel's blog and he posted a quote that made me STOP. It was exactly what I needed to read in that moment and I am grateful I read his blog. So, thanks to Gavin for posting this. In fact, thanks to Gavin for having a blog for it was while reading his that I decided to enter into the blog world. So yay for Gavin Creel. I have been searching for a multitude of answers on a variety of subjects and this quote gave me some peace. May it bring you some peace if you need it. Rainer Maria Rilke - Live the Questions Now "...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future,

I just spent the day with my brothers, Bran Flakes and Patricio watching "Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood", "Sin City", and "Live Free or Die Hard" in Bran Flake's KICK ASS KICK ASS KICK ASS Theatre Room. (It deserves all three kick asses and then some actually.) It was a Testosterone Day and I made it all the way through. Can we say the same for Patricio? (Titty baby. Ha.) I think that was the first blog smack talk I have "thrown down". I had never seen "Sin City" or "Live Free or Die Hard". Both were excellent. I did not want to leave the nirvana that is the magic room of cinema wonder. So, thanks to Bran Flakes for hosting and for having the idea. And Patrick, let me know how that nipple is treating you. Here's to smack talk... How liberating! (Especially when I am in control of the forum!) Here's to a kick ass theatre room. And to even more kick ass brothers, Dustin

Nothing spectacular transpired today, but the fact that it was a sweet, simple day in and of itself was spectacular. I delight in Sundays. In the days of Beam childhood, Sunday was the day where we rested in the afternoon and prepared for the upcoming week. Sometimes, I still travel back to those days. It is nice to know that I can create it for myself and have my nostalgic Sunday nights. I performed two shows today so it was hardly restful, but thank goodness for Lifetime... yes, I know, but I do love me some "Army Wives" and "Drop Dead Diva". After watching these stories, I caught up on some of Season Two of "The Big Bang Theory". Sheldon is an utter riot, that Jim Parsons=goodness. Also, I did something today I have not done in some time: I coloured. How gratifying was that? It fed the soul in a weird way (and not like those chicken soup books... although I must admit I have not read them, I merely wrote what sprung to mind and refuse to use th

When I settle into the rhythm of a show, both onstage and backstage, it is quite wonderful. That has happened with "My Fair Lady". I have a LOT of downtime so I am consistently entertained by my dressing room posse, Devin, Charles, and Don. It is, without a doubt, the funniest dressing room in which I have ever dwelled. And while I do believe that the actual room could be funny, I have yet to hear it tell a joke. Time shall tell, time shall tell. I think the theatre should sell backstage passes to witness Devin and Charles singing various "My Fair Lady" tunes in an R & B genre. Their vocal shenanigans never cease to make me literally laugh out loud (as opposed to all the contemporary use of that expression... oh the tomfoolery o' the youngsters. ha) and Don says some of the oddest and wittiest retorts I have ever heard. That is saying something my poppets. So, to Devin: You are SO talented and your vocal range knows no limits. I applaud your heterose

Whilst driving home from my little musical tale where I speak funny like a Brit, I conversed with my older brother, (As I am the youngest of five, all the siblings are older... hmmm...moving on) Brandon (whom I call Bran Flakes) and I had an epiphany. The lead character in Super Mario Brothers is called Mario. But, how can that be? If it is the Mario BrotherS does that not mean that Mario is the LAST name of the brothers in question? So, that would mean that Mario's full name is Mario Mario? WHAT THE MARIO???? (WTM) (Let's start a new trend.) Discuss and get back to me please. (Disclaimer: My brothers and I like to call each other atrocious names. This is rather tame... but here goes:) For Bran Flakes, you make me laugh you witty anal wizard bastard Elle Woods wanna-be likey making drinkies theatre room dung slaying straightgot (Bran Flakes coined the last one... funny as hell). Love to you. And Mario, what is your full name? Birth certificate stat! Dustin

I just had a lunch with my beloved Mother aka Mama. (Yes, I still call her Mama.) She is vivacious, wonderful, and will always be one of the most dynamic, incredible people on the planet. It brings me joy to see her so damn happy. And she is cuter than ever. My day is perfect just because we ate at my house, (I actually cooked - okay, it was a pizza and corn, but it counts!) watched most of the first episode of "How I Met Your Mother" (I like bringing others into my obsession chamber), and talked. We are going to make this a weekly event. Goodness, she is such a dear soul. So, to Janet Lee Darling, I dedicate this musing, telling the world that I will always love you. (Yes, like the song... but a little less belty.) Wishing you a love as pure as the one I have for my Mama, Dustin

Operation: Naturify has been postponed. That is just a euphemistic way of writing I did not get my little white ass outside a lot, but there is always time and it will be restarted again in the future. Operation: Fictionify is still underway, but will be a long Operation. Creating an entire world is exciting and TREMENDOUSLY overwhelming. Operation: Sexify (the one that started them all) is still underway, but has taken a different approach. I feel attractive and realize I am one sexy madman. I do not want to be a recluse from the world of dating again. However, I liked when I did not know about the goings-on of the gays in the Rock. Now, I know a bit more and it is a small, small city. I am trying to find a balance so I am not a monk nor a regular in the Gay Tetris that is Little Rock. But, I want to introduce three NEW and EXCITING Operations: Operation: Consisify and Operation: Hmmmify and Operation: Lifeify Operation: Consisify will consist of me bringing consistency to my

When I first started blogging, I just shared rather stream of consciousness notes and felt no pressure to be articulate or say anything of real merit... I just wanted to share. Now when I venture to the world of my blog I feel as though I should really have something of significance to write. I STRONGLY feel there is power in this medium and I want to put "something good" out in the internet cosmos. However, tonight I just wanted to share the story of a drama-free, pleasant night. No frills, no deep journey, no analysis... just what happened. Read if you likey. :-) I had a wonderful night out with my cast-mate, Stephanie, who plays Eliza in "My Fair Lady". She is such a talented, fun, true spirit... What a treat to work with her and be getting to know her. Mmm... Star of India. It is my home away from home. And how much fun is it to go to Barnes and Noble, get a Vanilla Steamer (or whatever drink you prefer), and look at all the goodies o' books, magazin

Once upon a time there was a delightful DVD player named Darren and a chap named Dustin who enjoyed watching DVDs. Dustin would put Darren atop two orange pillows in his bed and fall asleep to the dulcet sounds of his beloved DVD player. Then, one day Darren died. It was a sad, sad day for Dustin. A beloved friend had departed and DVDs would never sound or look the same again. For over a month Dustin kept Darren in his room, too sad to put him in the trash... Darren deserved more. When the day arrived where Dustin was ready to send Darren to that Best Buy in the sky, Dustin moved the items on which Darren was lying and Darren fell to the hardwood floor. Oh no! But, Dustin had a bizarre idea, he could almost hear Darren saying, "Trust me, just do it." SO... Dustin placed a CD in Darren and Darren triumphantly sang, a tune that Dustin missed and knew so well. Then, Dustin put in a "Friends" DVD, a story no one told better than Sir Darren. And, Darren was resurre